


Little Black Submarines

by theamazingcatwoman



Series: self-indulgent fics w/haikyuu [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A little angst, Based on a True Story, Drama, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Masturbation, Multi, Not Beta Read, Polyamory, Smut, Songfic, The black keys - Freeform, beefy bokuto, beefy iwaizumi, fukurodani won the nationals in this fanfiction okay, i cant stop thinking about haikyuu, i don't know how to tag, i might have written some stuff while high so don't mind me okay, i woud love to die in kuroo's and bokuto's arms, not too slowburn, reader has anxiety, too much angst, too much drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-07-11 04:52:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theamazingcatwoman/pseuds/theamazingcatwoman
Summary: This fanfic will be based on some songs made by The Black keys.-It's hard to believe that people loved you when you never learned how to love yourself.But these two boys would gladly spent all their lifes trying to make you understand.And I'll care for youHey, thats all I want to doHold me, love me, in your heartAnd I'll hold you nearAnd I'll whisper in your earI'll take your handI will make me understandHold me, love me, in your heartthickfreakness, the black keys-https://open.spotify.com/user/theamazingcatwoman/playlist/52mwFzoLPzz3jLyc9dMMH8?si=CQiKE1TFSRy8scnzIeaBGw





	1. ‘in the dead of the night I start to lose control’

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, well, this is my first fanfic written in english and that's why maybe it will be full of errors, so pleaase don't mind them and let me know so that i can correct.  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> edit: 7/3/19  
> HIIII so I made a playlist on spotfy for you! I'll be adding the songs while I update! Bye!   
> https://open.spotify.com/user/theamazingcatwoman/playlist/52mwFzoLPzz3jLyc9dMMH8?si=CQiKE1TFSRy8scnzIeaBGw

_but I still carry the weight like I've always done before_  
_It gets so heavy at times but what more can I do_  
_I got to stay on track just like pops told me to_  
_[Turn Blue -Turn Blue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5a1Cl_JOJM)_

 

    She could feel it, coming from her toes to her legs, up to her head and reaching her arms and hands. The shivers going through her spine and even making all the scars in her leg hurt, scars that she made when she was young and the feeling of impotence was too much for her to bare. Her left foot started to shake, and she couldn’t stop, she could only move and try to breathe like it was nothing, but knowing that it was probably the fourth of fifth anxiety attack that she was having this month. _“Well, at least i’m breathing better than the last time”_ , she thought, while her right foot started to move, too.

The worst part of having these attacks was the feeling of not controlling her body. Some people had attacks where they couldn’t breathe properly, others start to feel sick and start to tremble, but her attacks where all this and more. It always started with a little unconscious moving of her leg or foot, then suddenly she was shaking and trembling and her feet and legs and arms hurt because she just couldn’t stop moving them. It was impossible for her to just stand still, so even when it wasn’t her legs or feet moving, could be her arm, her hands, fingers, or her body going back and forth, until she was crying because she just couldn’t control her body.

It was only the beginning of the attack, so she was trying to understand what sent her on edge and made her start to freak like that. The day was going smoothly, actually, she had lunch with her friend and her classes were okay, but still she was shaking and moving like a motherfucking vibrator setted on the highest potence.

    Her leg started to ache and then she tried, again, to breathe properly. If she couldn’t calm down by herself, the only thing she could do was to drink her medicine, 5 or 7 drops of her clonazepam, as known as rivotril, and god how much she hated to depend on this fucking drug to make her feel better.

She started to breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. One more time. And again, and again, and again and again and when that just didn’t work she started to cry. It was so hard to not cry out loud, because if she did, not only her roommate would hear but her neighbor too, and it was 3 in the morning and neither [bf/n] nor Kuroo and Kemna deserved to be woke up at this hour. So, the only thing left was to drink her medicine.

She drank it with water and then tried, again, to stop this attack. She tried so hard that she didn’t even saw the medicine working, and in less than 10  minutes she was dead asleep.

* * *

   Every night that he heard something strange coming from the room next door, Kenma felt bad. He knew that [y/n] had some troubles, and he was used to hear a soft cry through the walls. Today it was one of the many days that he just couldn’t sleep so he started to play his nintendo 3Ds, and he was almost finishing half the game when he heard her cry, and some muffled words.

   He knew [y/n] since his first day of college. She was in the same class as him, even that she’s studying to be a History teacher, she decided to get some extra credit watching his class about software design, and when he asked about why she were there, she just laugh and said 'I like videogames and I want to know how they are made’, and smiled. The thing is, that class wasn’t just some fun class about videogames, the teacher was a prick and for this class, it was needed to know a little bit about programming and coding and stuff that probably won’t be taught in a History course, but even with that, she kept going and trying to understand. Kenma thought that her motivation, her determination, was something to be recognised, so he tried his best to teach and help her to get at least a C.

   That made he get close to her and he became her friend. And with him came Kuroo, his athlete-type-chemistry-degree best friend.

* * *

   It was one of those anxiety attacks that even the medicine didn’t work properly. Something - a noise, or maybe just her body doing things that wasn’t supposed to do - woke her up at 5 a.m., and the only class that she had that day was only at 2 p.m. She only got two hours of sleep after the magnificent crises that she had, so her mood wasn’t the best one. She got up and changed her pajamas for something more decent and went to the cafeteria to try to eat something and to get a cup of coffee. It was so early that nobody was around, only a few of people running so she had the cafeteria all for herself, and as soon as she enter the room, she smelled coffee and her lips turned to a smile. God bless the caffeine.

   She decided to have only a cup of coffee and some cookies, then she came back to her room to be left alone. Her roommate was still asleep so she locked herself in her room and started to read a little bit, and she already was half through her book when her cell phone rang with a message.

_Trouble sleeping?_

  
_hey, ken._  
_yes, this shit always happens.  
_ _Did I woke you?_

_Not really, I was playing some_  
_videogame when I heard you_  
_through the walls_

_fuck, I’m sorry._

_Don’t be. Are you okay?_

  
_not really._  
_but I’ll be, don’t worry :)_

_Want to me to come?  
_

_nah, i’m okay._  
_go to sleep! you have_  
_class in 2 hours._

_You’re starting to be just like Kuroo  
_

_it’s your fault for being friends_  
_with me and him_

_That doesn’t make sense  
_

_your face doesn’t make sense  
_

_Ok, bye  
_

_bye, lil kitty  
_

_stop calling me that  
_

_n e v e r._

 

* * *

 

"Hey, kitten” She heard Kuroo shout behind her. Instantaneously, she turned and smiled at the sight of his best friend.

“Hey.” She hugged him, and god he smelled amazing. He smelled like home, just like Kenma. “What do you want?”

“Kenma told me that you had some trouble sleeping last night.”

“That motherfucking snitch.” She rolled her eyes. “But, yes. I had some trouble. But i’m okay now.”

“Are you, really? Because if you are not, i’ll gladly sleep in your room and cuddle with you all night.”

“Oh, cutie!” She pinched his cheek. “Thanks, but it’s okay. I am already used to this shit happening to me.”

“I know you are, babe. But I don’t want you to be alone when you are like that.”

“You are so sweet, Tetsu. You and Kenma are the best. But, like I said, I am used to this. So don’t worry, okay?”

“I’ll never stop worrying because you are my kitten, [y/n].” He said, serious, and soon after he smiled. “You are so stubborn, never letting me and Ken help you.”

“You guys already help me enough. You have no idea how much this means to me. Worrying like that about me makes me really, really, reaaaaally happy.”

“Meh, okay, okay. But at least let me buy you food then. Or maybe we could binge watch sense8, or we could watch some film or…”

“I like that idea! I see you after my class, then.”

“Byeeee, kitten~”

“Byeee, Neko~”

 


	2. ‘You had a thing no one could ever be sure of’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of self-harm in this cap so if this triggers you, please don't read it. I'll sign where it starts and where it ends.  
> bye <3

_Never, ever had a pure love_  
_And never no cure from_  
[_Weight of Love - Turn Blue_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygdVEIrVnIk)

She always said that the reason that she was like that were because she felt everything just too much. She remembered watching those silly romcoms when she was younger and just couldn’t stand seeing the good girl - or even the mean girl - getting bullied or shamed or anything bad. She felt sick watching these kind of scenes, but in the same way, she felt like she was in heaven when the boy get the girl and everything just ends happy.

She always felt too much, so maybe that’s why her life was like that. And maybe that’s why she just couldn’t stop herself from falling in love with Kuroo.

It was so messed up, being in love with your best friend, mostly because all the little things that it was normal for a friend to do, she had to convince herself that it wasn’t because he was in love with her. And it was hard to keep doing this because every time that he showed her that he cared, it was like a stab in her heart.

And that’s why it was even harder to be laying so close to him in his bedroom.

She could feel his torso on her side and she was with her head over his arm and she could feel his hand playing with her hair and it was so hard to pay attention to the movie while feeling him so close and so perfect around her.

It sucked. And thank god Kenma wasn’t there because if he was it would be even harder to pretend that she wasn’t affected with him.

They were watching Step Up 2 - her favourite one, since Kuroo wanted to please her.

“I thought this one were the one with Channing Tatum?”

“No, he was on the first one, this one is better because the guy from Glee dances on it.”

“Which guy from Glee?”

“His name was Mike Chang, he’s my favourite, and he dances soooo well… And he’s so pretty.”

“The asian who dates the asian girl?”

“Yes. He’s on a netflix show as well. But I don’t want to watch it.”

“Okay.”

   **WARNING!**

    She kept silent, trying to pay attention to the movie. And she was doing fine, until she realized that he was caressing her scars on her wrist.

It was so sweet that she almost cried. She didn’t remember if she told him about the story behind these scars, but it was so nice to feel his hand in her wrist. His fingers going up and down in her forearm.

    The day that she got so bad that she had to cut herself to stop shaking and freaking out was one of the worst days of her life. She had just argued with her best friend, and she had done some things with her other best friend, Bokuto, that she wasn’t supposed to do, and then when she arrived home there she was, her mother ready to fight about something that probably was as banal as a door on the wardrobe that was forgotten open.

    As soon as she got alone in her room she just exploded. She cried and cried and cried and just when she couldn’t take anymore she just sliced her left wrist, deep enough just to bleed and stink.

**YOU CAN READ NOW!**

    It was a shitty day, indeed.

    And there he was, holding her wrist like he wanted to make that scar fade away.

_     “I am so fucked” _ , she thought.

     Indeed, she was.

 

* * *

 

 

While Kuroo was like being at home and comfortable and feeling like it was sunday afternoon, being with Bokuto was the exact opposite.

They met in high school, in their second year when she transferred from Nohebi to Fukurodani. And, you know when you’re like sixteen and want to discover things with your best friend? She did all of those things. He was her first kiss, first foreplay and a lot of firsts" but not her first time " until their friendship just started to fade away. And with that he started to drift away, until he wasn’t her best friend, he was only some guy that she hooked up with. They didn’t talk much until they graduated and then, a year later, they found each other in college, and they just hitted along like all the bullshit never happened.

And, jesus, he was so different. He always have been happy, energetic and hyperactive but now he was all that and better. He got even hotter and the first time that he saw [y/n] he gave her a hug that made her all soft on the inside.

It was hard to understand what was going through her head, mostly because she was sure that she was in love not only with Kuroo, but with Bokuto too. And, in top of all this, Bokuto and Kuroo were best friends since high school and she just couldn’t understand how she didn’t meet Kuroo sooner. Maybe she even did, but since she didn’t hang out with the volleyball club that much, it wouldn’t make much difference.

“You are so quiet.”

“I am always quiet.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.” He laughed. “What are you thinking about?”

“Do you think that a person can like, love two different people?”

“Love love?”

“Of course love love.” She laughed. “I mean, it is possible to be in love with two persons at the same time?”

“I never thought about it, actually.” He hummed. “Maybe it is. Love is funny that way.”

“Yes, it is. I used to think that maybe there were like ‘the one’ for each other and that soulmate bullshit and stuff, but now I don’t think so.”

“I think that this soulmate thing is just too easy. Life is hard, man. Love might be even harder.”

“You sound like you had some tough experience with love.”

“I kinda did, yeah. I think you know about this but I’m bi, right?”

“Right, I remember thinking something like ‘of course he is’ when you told me.”

“What does that mean?”

“Just keep talking, dumbass.”

“Anyway, I kinda have been in love with a friend of mine. And it sucked because he kinda was with a girl at the time and it was hard to know about that and him with her.”

“Who was he?”

“Oh, you know him, it was Bokuto.” He said and [y/n] froze. “You guys went to school together, right? So, in our second year I guess, he was with a girl and I liked him. I kinda felt that he liked me a little bit because he started to stop seeing her and send me some mixed signs but it never went any further than that.”

She just couldn’t speak. Jesus, Kuroo liked Bokuto while they were together? Not that she and him were ever together together but still… That was so messed up and she didn’t know if she should tell him about them or just leave it like that.

“I see… And how you feel about that now?”

“I don’t know. He’s my best friend but sometimes I keep thinking about all the ‘ifs’ that might have happened. But it’s been like 3 years so I just don’t think about that that much anymore.”

“Jesus. Can you imagine like you and Bokuto dating?”

“I can, actually. I think it will be nice. But I don’t think that I like him anymore.”

“You don’t… think?”

“Why all this interest so suddenly?”

“I am a curious kitten, Testu.”

“That I already know, but you are strangely quiet about this. I mean, usually you would make fun of me and stuff.”

“I’m not that mean, bitch.” I rolled my eyes. “I am just surprised, that’s all.”

“And what about you? Have you ever like, been in love or hurt or something like that?”

“Man, all my life I was shitty in that area. I lost my virginity to a guy that I thought I loved and I thought he loved me so yes, I’ve been hurt and stuff. I think I’ve never loved anyone, to be honest.”

“Explain.”

The movie was long forgotten by this time. She started to tell him all about how her mom always taught her to be super aware of her looks and taught her to be looking for a boyfriend. So in her last three years of school, she dated anyone who wanted her - 4 guys in total - and she lied to herself telling that she loved every single one of them. She fooled around always thinking that maybe he was the ‘one’. Until she just stop feeling everything at all, and that’s when her anxiety attacks became even stronger and harder to get through.

Kuroo listened to everything, saying only when necessary. And he felt his heart ache because how could a girl as amazing as [y/n] has been through all that alone? He felt a little bad for not being there, but he knew that it wasn’t his fault.

“Shit, we suck in love.”

“That’s not news for me.” She sighed. “But anyways, the movie is long gone and I think it’s already like 11 p.m.”

“Do you have an early class?”

“Not really.”

“So sleep here with me.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Sleep here with me. I know that Ken won’t mind and if you have one of your attacks I’ll be here to help you.”

“You don’t need to do that, Tetsu.” She whispered, and this was one of those moments where it was hard to not think about how much he would be an amazing boyfriend.  

“I know, but I want to. C’mom, I’ll even lend you one of my Nekoma t"shirts.”

“That’s sooo not necessary. And you know I’m a Fukurodani girl!”

“You are so stubborn sometimes, damn.” He rolled his eyes. “C’mom, let’s sleep.”

“Ugh, fine.”

She lied on his right side and soon enough she felt his arms pulling her to his body. She was the little spoon and she thought that maybe she just couldn’t sleep this close of him, but her body told her otherwise because as soon as he turned of the lights she was asleep within minutes.

And in that night she probably had the most amazing sleep in her life.


	3. ‘girl is on my mind’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my fucking god i have 2 kudos in this and i am honestly DYINNGGGG THANKS BABES

_she is on my mind_  
_try ignore, try to unwind,_  
_but she is on my mind_  
_[girl is on my mind - rubber factory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWimOMVdHgE)_

 

  

    Playing volleyball while [y/n] was on his mind wasn’t nothing new for Bokuto. She was even one of the many reasons that caused his mood swings while he was playing, actually. And Akaashi knew that all too well, mostly because it always happened when she was around watching them practice.

    Bokuto remembered the day that he realised that she wasn’t the same with him like it was yesterday. Even her laugh - he always liked her laugh - was weird and she just couldn’t look him in the eyes. And he didn’t knew what happened wrong, because the only thing he wanted was to be around her and to be around Kuroo, and suddenly he just wasn’t himself with her anymore.

    But he missed her. God, he missed her. After they graduated from Fukurodani she took one year off before going to college, and while he just got closer to Kuroo, they just drifted away even more, to a point where almost didn’t remembered the bad things that happened, only the good ones.

    And when he saw her in her first day of college - what were the odds of that happening, honestly? - he just ran and hugged her like nothing ever happened between then, like they used to hug before things started to be weird. She laugh and she hugged him back and it was like before - without all the sexual tension and the hands and looks and weird feelings. Until he saw her with Kuroo, and saw the way she smiled at him, and then it all hitted him like a fucking lightning. He even got jealous about them? Like he liked her? It was so weird that he didn’t knew what to do.

    He didn’t do anything, actually. He just tried - and kept trying - to let it go. And now, she was his best friend again, just like they were in high school and she was best friends with one of his best friends too.

    That probably was the weird love triangle of all times.

    Mostly because one of the reasons that he started to keep away from her was because he was into Kuroo for a while. God, he really didn’t knew what to do about all of this.

    It was so messed up, and now there she was watching them practicing while shouting not only his name, but Bokuto’s too. And Kenma, and even Akaashi sometimes.

    So fucking messed up.

 

* * *

 

“Block that damn owl, Testu!” He heard her screaming and laughing, and without even looking he knew how she was standing in the bleachers with [bf/n].

    It was a little weird to wake up next to her, but that happened almost a week ago and he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. About how she was laying next to him, with her half of her face hidden behind her elbow and how peaceful she looked. He even skipped class to be with her for a little more time. And when she woke up and smiled and yawned, he just started to laugh because that was so absurd while being so normal that he couldn’t understand why he was being like that.

    He needed to talk about that with someone. Kenma was the best choice since he was really close to [y/n] but after hearing all those things that happened with her while she was on high school, he wanted to talk about it with Bokuto. And that might be a little weird since he still had a little bit of a crush on him, unlike he said to her.

    They kept playing and he did blocked the spike that Bokuto did and he was amazed how he got even stronger. I mean, he was used to block Bokuto for almost 5 years now, but now he was even better. He still had all those mood swings, but even when he was down he could still play and score and keep the game going on. And that was amazing to see, it was amazing to see how he grew up.

_     “This fucking crush is going nowhere” _ , he thought and at the same time [y/n] screamed something to Bokuto.

“C’mom ace! Score for me!”

    He smiled, knowing that this scream was all Bokuto needed to get back on the game. He stared him and saw the familiar spark on his eyes, and Kuroo knew that this next spike would be one of the strongest ever. Akaashi setted the ball the exact way he knew that Bokuto liked and than not even Kuroo could stop that attack. The sound of the ball hitting the floor - it went through Kuroo’s arms - was so loud that everybody on the gym just kept quiet.

“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto screamed.

“YESSS THAT’S IT, KOU!!!” [y/n] laughed, happy.

    She always loved to see Bokuto playing, but she never felt like she should do that. Of course, she went to almost all games with her friends, even when they were a little bit off, but that was it. She rarely went to see him training on Fukurodani, but that was okay, because he knew that she would be on his games.

    She always thought that Bokuto playing was her favourite Bokuto, even when he was down and sad. But now, she realized that her favourite Bokuto was the one playing against Kuroo. They were best friends, everybody knew that, but when they were playing in opposite sides, it was almost touchable the tension and the need to be better than the other. They were so competitive that it made her remember all those games against Nekoma that she watched. And it was so much fun to see them talking and provoking while playing. And they were on the same team now.

    [y/n] didn’t knew the other players in the team - besides Akaashi and Kenma - and she actually didn’t want to meet. Mostly because at the same time that volley reminded her of her best friends, it also made her remember her ex - the one that she thought she loved and that she thought he loved her. It was weird that her life was so laced with volleyball. She even used to play when she was younger, so she never needed anyone to understand what was going on on the court.

    The game finally ended and [y/n] smiled when she saw Kuroo and Bokuto hugging and laughing. She almost went there to talk to them, but she needed to talk with Bokuto alone to try to make sense about all the stuff that Kuroo said. The hard thing to figure it out was how to talk about that without telling him that Kuroo was into him and without making things weird, mostly because they never talked about that after they started to study together.

    She was waiting them finish to clean up the court when one of the members of the team seated right next to her.

“Hey pretty! You are [y/n], right~?”

“Yes, why? Who are you?”

“I’m Oikawa Toruu, pleased to meet ya!” He smiled and that made her a little bit shy.

“Hi, Oikawa, i’m [y/ln] [y/fn]. What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wanted to meet you, Kuroo and Bokuto never stop talking about you so I thought it was time for me to know you.”

“Ok then.” She answered, feeling a little bit out of place. “What do they say about me?”

“Oh, no no no, [y/n]"chan. That ruins all the fun in that!” He laughed.

“ You are a weird little bunny, you know that, right?”

“Did you call me a bunny?”

“Yes I did, Oikawa.” She smiled. “Anyways, bye. I have to go talk to Kou. See ya, I think?”

 

“Was that Oikawa?” [bf/n] said, smiling and giggling.

“So?”

“He is like the most popular on the boys team. And the cutest too~”

“I think I prefer guys like my two boys, babe.” She winked. “But well, I know him so I can introduce him to you.”

“Ohh I’d really like that! But ok, enough talk about boys. Kemna told me that you had a panic attack last week. And you didn’t told me! C’mom, I’m your roommate, stupid girl. I am right neeeext to you to help youuuu!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry, but I just didn’t want to wake you. I have to deal with this shit alone, you know.”

“That’s bullshit. I am here to help you. Kuroo and Kenma are right next to us too. Even Bokuto would like to help you. I think even that weird sexy setter from your school would be mad if he knew.”

“I’m not really close to Akaashi, actually. But ok, ok. I’m sorry. I’ll wake you next time, ok?”

“Do you promise me?”

“Nope. But I’ll. Now bye, I have to talk with Koutarou like right now before he goes to his class. See ya, bitch.”

“You suck, you know that, right?”

“Byeeeeeee love you!”

 

    Her perv side always wanted to just break into the boys’ locker room, but she knew that doing this might be a little too much. So there she was, seated on the floor, waiting Bokuto to leave and hoping that maybe he’ll be alone.

    She should know by now that nothing ever happens the way she hopes to.

“Hey hey, [y/n]!” Bokuto and Kuroo appeared in front of her. She looked up and jesus, what a view. Both of them had their hairs wet so even the bed head that Kuroo always had was a little bit down. And Bokuto had all his hair down and was wearing a headband to stop his hair from falling in his eyes.

“Jesus, I forgot how much I like you both with your hair wet and down.” She sighed, and took the hand that Kuroo had offered her to help her stand up.

“Meh, I don’t like it but I don’t have time to fix it.” Bokuto shruged.

“I like it.” Kuroo simply said. “ But at least your hair goes down, mine keep standing like this.”

“I like yours too, Tetsu.” She smiled. “Anywaysss, enough talk about hairs.” She turned to Bokuto. “I kinda need to talk to you.”

“About?” He asked.

“Stuff. Sorry Testu, I need to talk with him alone, okay?”

“Okay. See ya later, kitten. Bye, Bro.” He waved and left.

“So, tell me. What do you want to talk about it?”

“You don’t have much time before your class so i’ll be fast, okay?” She said and he felt his heart inflate. She even knew his schedule?

“Okay…”

“Did you liked me? I mean, in our second year?”

“What?”

“C’mom, Kou. It’s a fair question. Just say yes or no.”

“Okay, I did, why?”

“Did you liked someone else during that time?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I just want to, okay?” She sighed again. “I know that we just don’t talk about that stuff anymore, I just really really want to know.”

“Okay, okay. I was… Kinda, yes. I was into someone while being with you...?”

“I don’t think we can qualify that as ‘being’ with me but that’s okay.” She let out an awkward laugh. “Buttt anyway. Okay, thank you for telling me.”

“Don’t you want to know who were?”

“Not really, no. I just needed to know that. Bye, Kou! See ya.”


	4. ‘it’s in my head now’

_can’t let go_  
_no matter what you said_  
_‘cuz i already know_  
_[Just a Little Heat - Magic Potion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLAR7i9XtU)_

    Her mind was on fire since she found out about Kuroo and Bokuto and that maybe they did liked each other some years ago. And while she knew that she wasn’t responsible for them not being together, all her insecurities screamed that yes, she was, and that if weren’t for her they’ll be together until today.   


    It was hard to try to help them while she just couldn’t help herself.

    But now that she knew that, she had to figure it out if they still had some feelings for eachother. Kuroo said that he hadn’t, but maybe Kenma knew something that she didn’t, and she could ask [bf/n] for help, since only god knows how much she liked to play cupid.

    So she decided to ask everybody out to go to a bar next friday. Maybe there she could get Kenma drunk - she was so hopeful, but even she knew that the odds for that to happen were almost non existent -  or at least she could see how drunk Kuroo acted near Bokuto. And maybe if she asked the boys to invite all the volleyball team, she could set up [bf/n] with Oikawa and then everybody would be happy!

    Now there she was, all dressed up, waiting Kuroo to leave so they can all go together to the bar.

“Jesus christ, [y/n]. He is taking so long!”

“It’s because of his hair, babe.”

“What about my hair?” Kuroo said, leaving his room. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt with some green and blue flannel on top.

“Nothing, you look nice, Neko. Let’s go.” She said, grabbing him by the arm. “Kenma’s not going?”

“Of course not.”

“I suspected.” She sighed.

“So, Kuroo, did you invited the team?” [bf/n] asked, trying not to sound so eager.

“Yes, why?” He turned to [bf/n] “Are you into someone?”

“Of course she is.” [y/n] laughed. “She wants to meet Oikawa, so I’m going to introduce them tonight.”

“And do you know Oikawa?”

“Yes, we talked a little bit last time I went to see your practice. He is kinda nice, and flirty.”

“He’s a little pain in my ass, that’s what he is.” Kuroo laughed. “Jesus, did he hit on you?”

“Oh yes. He did.” [bf/n] said. “A lot. He was all ‘hey pretty~’ and then [y/n] called him ‘a weird bunny’.”

“Well, he is a weird bunny.” [y/n] smiled.

“You are even weirder for calling someone that.”

“Oh shut up.” [y/n] hitted her best friend on the shoulder. “You suck, [bf/n].”

“No, I’m right and you know it.”

 

* * *

“What did you talk with Bokuto that day?”

“Oh, nothing much. Just some gossip about a friend of ours from Fukurodani. Why?”

“You looked a little bit nervous that day.”

“Well, I had just talked with Oikawa that day, so maybe it was that, I don’t know.”

“Yeah, might be that.” He took a sip of his beer. “Let’s go talk to Bokuto, then?”

“Yes!” She smiled and went to Bokuto.

    He was in the middle of the little group with all the players on his team, and he was as gorgeous as Kuroo, wearing a jeans jacket with a white t-shirt underneath. He was breathtaking.  So she took a deep breath and smiled as soon as he saw her.

“Hey, owl!”

“Hey, [y/n]!” He hugged her. “Took you long enough to come, huh?”

“Not my fault. Kuroo was trying to fix his bedhead.”

“Stop talking like I’m not right beside you, kitten.”

“Pff, fine, fine.” She shrugged. “Hi, Akaashi! How are you?”

    Kuroo waited for her to walk away with the setter so he could finally talk about her with his friend. They both seated on a table and he had to get close to him, the music playing in the background was loud and he didn’t wanted to scream stuff like that, so he got close and whispered in Bokuto’s ear.

“Bro, you were close with [y/n], right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“She told me some stuff about her second year. I just wanted to understand, that’s all.”

    Bokuto froze.

“Oh, okay. What did she tell you?”

“She told me about some guys that she used to date, and she sounded so lonely.”

“Well, I met her in second year, right? And we kinda get along really well, but she had been through some stuff in her last school, too. I think her ex is from there.”

“Where?”

“Oh, we know a guy from there. Suguru, I think? She used to study in Nohebi before she went to Fukurodani.”

“Shit, I remember that prick. The only thing  missing is for her to know him, too.”

“We could ask her.”

“Not today. She need a little fun.” He looked at her, she was talking with Akaashi and Oikawa. “She’s a little bit edgy these days.”

“What?”

“You know, her anxiety attacks.” Kuroo took another sip of his beer. “Don’t you?”

“I used to, yes. She used to talk to me about that stuff when we were in high school, but she doesn’t do it anymore.”

“Yeah, actually, the only reason that I know that is because Kenma told me. She didn’t want for me to know.”

“Shit she was always like that. I hate it, she always tried to keep this things from me. But I just could see it in her eyes, you know?”

“I kinda do, yes.” Kuroo sighed. “Do you know someone that she dated in Fukurodani?”

“Not really. We sorta fight in our last year, so we stopped talking.”

“Fuck. She told me about some guy that she used to fool around and how that hurted her, I wanted to know if you knew that guy.”

“I might, I don’t know. She rarely talked about this stuff with me.”

“I always wondered how did I never met her in our games. I mean, we were best bros since our first year, how could you not introduce me to her?”

“I don’t know. She went to all my games, actually.”

“I bet that you were so ablazed that forgot about doing that.”

    She could see from afar how close they were talking and whispering. Even by far, she could see how Kuroo’s eyes shined when Bokuto bent do whisper in his ear. And how the tips of his ears were getting red. And how he got closer and closer of Bokuto. And then she just knew. It was obvious that he still liked him. And that’s was all she needed to know.

    Her heart started to physically hurt when she figured it out that Kuroo still liked Bokuto, mostly because she knew - she didn’t know how she knew -  that Bokuto was into Kuroo too. And if they were into one another for what, almost 4 years? That feeling was something much more than just a crush. 

    They were in love.

    Fuck. She didn’t thought that knowing this would hurt as much as it is hurting her. She apologised to Akaashi - who knew her enough to see that something was bothering her - and Oikawa and went to the bathroom. She could feel it happening again, all the desperation that came with the realization of them being in love.  _ “FUCK FUCK FUCK”  _ She thought, trying to even her breathing and trying to hide her right hand that started to shake. Jesus, if Kuroo knew that she was the reason that they weren’t together since high school he would hate her. She was the reason that Bokuto wasn’t with him. Fuck, she was the reason that made her best friend not be able to be with the love of his life. How could she forgive herself?

    Both her hands were shaking and she tried to breathe and to calm herself. She even washed her face to see if that helped, but it didn’t. She was falling and her head started to ache. Maybe this was a bad idea, she thought. Maybe it was better to not know all this.

    But now she knew. And she was certain that she looked just like Kuroo when she looked at him. She knew and she felt bad, because she looked at him just the way she looked at Bokuto when he wasn’t looking at her, too.

    God, she took an year off to get away of stuff just like this. And there she was, falling in love with two guys that loved each other.

 

* * *

    Kuroo and Bokuto were still talking when Akaashi interrupted them.

“Something’s wrong with [y/n].” He simply said, making both boys alert.

“Where is she?” Kuroo asked.

“Girls toilet.”

“Er, maybe I shouldn’t go.” Bokuto simply said.

“Wait here then.” Kuroo jumped out of his seat and went almost running to the toilet.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, Kuroo, what the fuck you are doing here? It’s the girls bathroom, dumbass.”

“Akaashi said that you were bad.”

“And? That’s not reason enough to do this, get out.”

“I’ve already locked the door. What’s going on? Are you shaking? Kitten, tell me.”

“No, get out. I’m okay, i’m just a little stressed. So leave, please.”

“[y/n], c’mom.”

“No, Kuroo. Get out!”

“You never called me Kuroo, kitten. And I won’t leave, so it’s best for you to just say what is happening.”

“I’m having a fucking panic attack and you’re not helping so just leave, please?” She was on the verge of tears.

“No.” He went to her and tried to hug her.

“Leave, please. It hurts, just leave me alone.”

“Never, kitten.” He said and hugged her.

    And that’s was not helping at all. Because now she could smell him up close, feel him and holly fuck she did felt safe in those arms. And now it was hurting even more because she could feel what she probably wouldn’t, because Kuroo belongs to Bokuto and Bokuto only.

    She could feel her arms start to shake along her hands and Kuroo held her even thighly than before.

“Let me go, Testu.” She said, trying to hold back her tears.

“Talk to me.”

“Ugh fine, fine!” She escaped of his arms. “You lied to me, Kuroo! You like him!”

“I didn’t lie and I don’t like him.”

“Ugh stop this shit, Kuroo. I saw it, okay? And that’s okay, you guys should be together, but why lie to me?”

“I told you, I didn’t. And stop screaming, kitten. I’m right here.”

“I told you to leave!” She sighed. “Fuck! Fuck me, I’m a piece of shit, I know you like him and that’s okay but I’m the reason that you guys didn’t get together, okay? I was the chick that he was ‘hooking’ up in our second year, and he fucking liked you, and I messed up this shit and now I see that you like him too and fuck this shit ughhhhhh!”

“What? You were the girl? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That was one of the worst things of my life, Kuroo. I didn’t wanted to go through all that again and I knew that if you knew about this you’d hate me. And that’s okay. Now leave.”

“You know what? I won’t leave. I will bring Bokuto right fucking here and we will talk about that.”

“No, we won’t. I wanna go home.”

“Stop being a child, [y/n]. Let’s…”

“Don’t you get it, dumbass? There’s nothing to talk about! Me and Bokuto never talks about that shit and we won’t be starting now. There’s just nothing to talk about all this shit. You like him, and I bet that he likes you too. There’s nothing you could say to deny that. So just let me go.”

    She was sobbing and shaking even more. It sucks to see her like that but Kuroo didn’t knew what to do. All this stuff between [y/n] and Bokuto was so new for him that he just couldn’t think straight. So he left her alone in the bathroom and just left the bar, without even saying goodbye to his team.

    Jesus, this shit was even more messed up that he thought. And why didn’t they told him about it? Fuck that was in the past, there were nothing to do about it but they decide to hide if from him. And that made him so angry.

    He just needed to sleep this through his head. He just needed or to think about it or just not think at all.

    The second choice was better so he just went to his room as soon as he arrived in his dorm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if that's not well written but i was so stucked in this cap that i just needed to get through it


	5. ‘you got a worried mind’

_i got a worried heart_  
_you don't know what to do_  
_i don't know where to start_  
_we let them speed us down_  
_or get her off the ground_  
_one day I know we got to go_  
_[In Time - Turn Blue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTKvLXzFx58)_

 

    As soon as Kuroo left, [y/n] decided that yes, that night was over so she left [bf/n] - who was talking with Oikawa - and went to her dorm. And thank god that she didn’t stumble with Kuroo on the hall because she was on the edge of freaking out and she knew that if she saw him, she would just break. And fuck, she was already broken. The way that Kuroo looked at her was so painful, he felt betrayed and he was right, and fuck her for not being capable of controlling herself " and she knew that she just couldn’t control this stuff but for her it was all her fault. And she needed to get her shit together because she knew that Bokuto could arrive any minute now and he would try to know what happened and fuck just to think about talking with him about this made [y/n] start to shake again.

    She took a hot shower and took 7 drops of her rivotril, just to try to sleep as soon as possible. She even decided to sleep on the couch because her bed was in the same wall that Kenma and she didn’t want another person to be stuck in this stuff.

    Like he wouldn’t be the first one who Kuroo would talk about it with.

    She tried to stop thinking about it and she was glad when she woke up the next day with the light that came from the window. At least was a full night without any attacks.

    But now she had classes to go.   


    She didn’t went to any one of them.    


 

* * *

 

     Bokuto just kept seated in the bar and saw first Kuroo then [y/n] leave, one after another. He saw that something bad happened, mostly because Kuroo just wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye and because he saw how [y/n] kept her hand on her pockets. He knew her for too long to know that this was the first thing she did when she had a panic attack.

    Well, he had two things to do. He could go to [y/n] to ask what happened, but he knew that the probability of her just trying to avoid the subject was really big. Or he could go to Kuroo’s dorm, and he was more likely to tell him. So he did.

    He said goodbye to the team and went to see Kuroo. He didn’t took long since the bar was close to the college, so 15 minutes later he was on Kuroo’s door.

    Kenma was the one who opened.

“Hey, Bokuto-san.”

“Hi, Kenma. Is Kuroo there?”

“I think he’s sleeping, actually.”

“Is he? He just left the bar.”

“Well,  he’s in his room.” Kenma simply said and went to the TV to keep playing his game.

    Bokuto ran his fingers through his black-and-white hair and went to Kuroo’s room. He knocked once and after a grunt he just opened the door.

“Why I’m not surprised that you came here?” Kuroo said without looking at him.

“Well, you know me!” Bokuto tried to joke.  “What happened?”

“Stuff.” Kuroo got up and kept seated on his bed. “Koutarou, did you liked me? In high school?”

“What?” The question caught him by surprise. Kuroo never called him by his given name and well, the question was so straightforward that Bokuto had to take a deep breath. “Why?”

“Just answer me.” Kuroo simply said.

“I did. Like you, I mean.” He said. “Why?”

“Then why didn’t you do anything?”

“I had my reasons.”

“Yes, [y/n] was your reason.” Kuroo said. “She told me that the girl you used to hook up at that time was her.”

“Fuck, she did?”

“ Yep. I just don’t understand why she didn't told me. Or why you never told me, too.”

“Because she hate that time of her life. And I do too.”

“Explain, for fucks sake.” Kuro took a deep breath. “I’m starting to get really fucking tired of these half-assed explanations.”

“I can’t say for her, but I hate because I got really inside my head that time. You know how I was, with my emo-mode and stuff and I just got fucking selfish about her. We were best friends and one afternoon we just started to fool around to see how it felt, you know? And we were like that for some time until  I messed up because I started to treat her like a fucking hook up and, at the same time, I started to like you. And then I just started to keep away from her because of that. She was new at our school so the only friends she had was the volleyball team. And because of me she started to keep away from them too. We graduated without speaking with each other.”

“Fuck you. How could you do this to her? After her fucking ex?”

“I know I messed up, Kuroo. But I was young and so was she and we didn’t knew how to make things okay anymore.”

“This is so messed up. Fuck.” Kuroo took a deep breath. “And what about me? Why didn’t you told me that you like me?”

“I told you. I was too fucking lost inside my head. And I didn’t think that you liked me too.”

“Well I did. I kinda still do.”

“Fuck, you do?” The atmosphere was so tense, but as soon as Kuroo said that, Bokuto’s face lighten up. “Are you serious?”

“I am. And she said that she thinks you like me too. Do you?”

“This wasn’t how I wanted this to go but, yes. I do too.”

Thinking back, it was weird how both of them just forgot all the stuff that happened after Bokuto said ‘I do too’. But how could they hold any longer? Kuroo just felt his heart stop when he saw Bokuto’s face when he finally confessed. And fuck, he didn’t know how much he needed to hear Bokuto say the same thing he did. But now that Bokuto said, Kuroo just didn’t had the strength to pretend anymore. 

“So what we do about that?” Kuroo asked, with a sly smile on his face. 

    Bokuto soon had a smile that matched Kuroo’s. “I have some ideas.”

And soon enough all the messed up things that was inside of their heads disappeared.

Actually, they disappeared as soon as Bokuto’s lips touched Kuroo’s.

They had to do something about her. Mostly because when Kuroo was kissing Bokuto, he thought of her.

Little did he knew that Bokuto was doing the same thing.

“We won’t tell her about this, ok?” 

“Yep.” Bokuto simply said.

* * *

 

 

    [y/n] didn’t knew at what time did [bf/n] arrived, and she actually didn’t saw her going to her classes too. She just kept trying to sleep off all the weird feelings that were bottled up inside her head. But she knew that this wasn’t the answer to that. She kinda wanted to talk with Kenma, but he was just too close to Kuroo for that. And all the other boys that she was friend with - some guys from the team, mostly - just wasn’t that close to her so she could just be herself. 

    She wanted to call Bokuto, but after what happened she just thought that maybe it wasn’t the time for them to get close again. So she grabbed her phone and after looking through her contact list for the second time, she just texted her only friend from Nohebi who, ironically enough, was friends with her ex.

_I fucking hate myself._  
_Kazu, please tell me that you_  
_are in tokyo right now._

 _Actually, i am_  
_What happened?_  
_Please don’t tell me is_  
_that fucking boy from_  
_nekoma again_

 _it is. and bokuto. and i hate_  
_myself._  
_why aren’t you around when_  
_i need you?_

_Sorry. I’m at Daisho’s_

_of course you are._  
_don’t say anything to_  
_him_

_Why should i? You hate  
him _

_yes i do._

_Do you want me to come_  
_after?_

 _I kinda do but kuroo might_  
_see you and I don’t think_  
_i can handle he finding out_  
_now that i’m friends with you?_  
_I am feeling so shitty, fuck._

 _Shitty when you broke up with_  
_you-know-who or shitty when_  
_you found out that that fast guy_  
_from avengers was dating that_  
_old woman?_

_he’s married to her, actually  
and all of the above _

_fuck, did you tried to sleep?_

_yes. i missed all my classes_  
_i just feel so bad_  
_kuroo found out that i was_  
_the girl with bokuto_  
_and now i think he hates me_

_Did he said that he hate you?_

_i didn’t let him  
he's my best friend, Kazu. _

_Well i am too.  
Do you want me to call you? _

_knowing daisho he’ll_  
_try to listen and that is the_  
_last thing that i need rn_

 _Fuck, i have to go now_  
_I’ll call you as soon as_  
_i’m done here, okay?_

_okay._

_Sorry I couldn’t help_

_don’t worry.  
I miss you, Kazuma. _

_I miss you too, [y/n]  
bye x _

_xx_

 

* * *

 

“We have to go.” Kuroo said, while running his hand through Bokuto’s hair. 

    They were laying on Kuroo’s bed, fully clothed. Bokuto’s head was laid down on Kuroo’s chest and he could hear Kuroo’s heartbeat. It was so peaceful, neither of them wanted to go out but they had things to do. 

“I know, but I’m sleepy.” Bokuto pouted.

“It’s almost 3 in the afternoon, Kou.”

“I know.”  Bokuto hummed. “I kinda like to hear you call me Kou.”

“We have stuff to do.” Kuroo smiled. “And I choose to ignore you saying that.”

“Why?” He kept pouting. 

“Because this is too new and it just slipped my lips.”

“Well, I kinda like your lips slipping that.”

“Stop and focus, Bokuto.” Kuroo smiled.

“Ok, ok!” He laughed “What do we have to do?”

“We have to talk about [y/n].” Kuroo said, serious. 

“I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t like to see her like that.” Bokuto said.

“Well, we can tell her that we are together?” 

“Are we together?” Bokuto asked, and Kuroo couldn’t help the smile that spread on his lips. His eyes were so bright because of that.

“I don’t know. I think so.” Kuroo said, half smiling. “Well, we like each other since high school so yeah, we are together.”

“ I don’t think we should tell her, tho.” Bokuto lift his head to look Kuroo in the eye.

“I don’t either. But I don’t know where to start to explain to her.” 

“You should start saying that you’re not mad at her.” Bokuto smiled.

“I kinda am mad with her. And with you. But I’m more worried than mad.”

“Do you want to go to her room now?” 

“Yes. Let’s go together. We kinda need to talk to her about everything.”

“Everything but us, I suppose.”

“Yes. We can tell that later. Knowing [y/n], she might be freaking out about us hating her.”

“That’s true.” Bokuto got up. “Let’s go, then.”

* * *

 

 

    She could hear them talking outside her room. Their voices were a little muffled down, and she couldn’t understand what they were saying, but she knew that not only Kuroo but Bokuto too was outside. She was so concentrated to try to understand at least one word that when one of them knocked at the door, she almost yelped and jumped from the couch.

    Thank god she didn’t screamed, she thought. She could pretend that she was sleeping. Eventually they’d go away, right?

    She was so deep in this hope that she didn’t heard the feminine voice outside the room. She just heard the keys on the lock.

“Fuck.” She whispered.

“Hey, your boys were outside.” [bf/n] said, while opening the door. “I’ll leave you guys alone, juuust one second.” And she went to her room.

“Hey, kitten.” Kuroo simply said and she had to hold her tears. Bokuto kept silent while rubbing his head and she noticed how he was wearing the same clothes as last night. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.” She said, her voice trembled and Kuroo felt it hurt right in his heart. “Go away, please.”

“Ok, I’m done. If you guys make her cry I’ll cut your dicks myself, ok?” [bf/n] said and gave [y/n] a kiss. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Don’t leave.” She whispered.

“I have to. You’ll be fine. Love you.” She said and closed the door.

The three are silent and [y/n] is still under the covers, with only her eyes to be seen.

“Go away.” She repeated herself, blinking hard to keep the tears from falling.

“We won’t go away, kitten. So just talk to us.”

“Why do you want to talk with me?” Her voice was so weak that Kuroo had to come closer. “I know that you hate me now and that Bokuto also hate me so please, just go.”

“Ok, that’s it.” Bokuto finally said and just grabbed the covers, making [y/n] flinch. “Come on, get up. We need to talk.”

“Fuck you, Bokuto!” She screamed. “I’m only with a shirt and panties, asshole.” She said, angry, but her voice was weak still. She sat with her legs crossed and she took a deep breath.

“I already saw you in less, [y/n]. And I don’t think Kuroo mind it, either.”

“Fuck you.” She said again, grabbing the covers and putting on her lap.” What do you want?”

“First, I’m really mad with you two for not telling me all that sooner.” Kuroo said. “But it’s doesn’t matter anymore, so it’s okay.”

“What?” She asked. “No, stop. Don’t be all nice with me. I know I messed up.”

“I’m not being nice. I’m being honest.” He said. “You and Bokuto messed up but it’s okay. I’m more worried about you.”

“Stop being so nice and thoughtful.” She asked. “You don’t have to be worried about me.”

“I don’t have but I still do. But you guys need to talk about it. About… god knows what happened in your second year.”

“I agree.” Bokuto said. “I’m sorry that I was a fucking jerk with you. And I’m sorry that I kept you away, and I’m sorry that I’m the reason that you don’t talk with the team anymore. I’m sorry for messing it all up.”

“You did messed up. But you only did that because you liked Kuroo, so I don’t care anymore. I just… I just don’t want to be the reason that you guys are not together.” She confessed, and it hurted so much because fuck, there she was, giving up the two boys she liked.

“Don’t worry about that. I don’t like him and he don’t like me anymore.”  Kuroo lied, and he did it so easily that even Bokuto got surprised.

“I don’t believe you.” She said.

“Well, you don’t have to. But It’s true.” Kuroo said. “I know that you are really trying not to cry right now, and I know that last night I left you pretty sad. I'm sorry about that, too. But now that all this are past behind us, please, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I really like you, [y/n]. I'd never hate you. I never did anything to make you think that.”

“I know, but I just can't stop thinking about it. You guys have no idea how worried I was last night. I just... I just can't lose you. I'm sorry for lying. For keeping this from you.”

“We both are.” Bokuto said. “I hate to see you so sad, you know that right?”

“I do. That's why I never went to you when I was feeling down.”

“You should stop doing that. That makes me angrier than you keep things from me. We fucking care about you and you just keeps pushing us away.” Bokuto said, and the roughness on his voice made her tremble.

“Well, that's me.” She faked her laugh. “I'm a mess and I push people away.”

“Stop saying…”

“You know what? Fuck you both. I feel like shit. I don't need to hear this stuff right now. I'm already starting to tremble again because all this fucking emotional rollercoaster and I'm just tired and fucking Kazuma didn't call me yet and I'm just fucking  **tired** !” She screamed, and she heard her cellphone start to ring. “What do you want, Kazuma?”

“Who is Kazuma?” Kuroo asked Bokuto.

“I told you I’d call you later. Is there a man with you? Please don’t tell me is that fucker from Nekoma.”

“Did he just called me a fucker?”

“I think he did.” Bokuto laughed.

“Fuck me, right?” She snorted. “Of course you’d call exactly when Kuroo is around.” Her hand was shaking so much that she almost couldn't hold her cell. “Yes, he's the fucker from Nekoma. Can I call you later? I'm busy now, Kazu.”

“Fine. But I'm still worried about you.”

“Bye, Kazu.”

“Daishou made me say hello to you.”

“Please tell him to shove his hello in his ass. Bye.” She didn't even waited for his response and she just hang up.

“Fuck, did he just said Daishou? Like the asshole from Nohebi?” Kuroo asked.

“Yes. The one and only.” She sighed. “Jesus christ this day is already too long for me and it's not even 4 o'clock.” She leaned against the back of the sofa. She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath, she had never freaked out in front of the boys  - well, only in front of Kuroo - and this day wouldn't be the first time.

    She did not even notice when both Bokuto and Kuroo seated on the sofa, each one on her side. She was so focused on her breathing that she didn't realized that the tears were falling freely from her face. She just realized that they were close because Bokuto grabbed her shoulder and hugged her.

“Don't be like that. Everything’s okay now.

“It's not like I have a way to control this shit.” She said, grinning her teeth.

    Kuroo grabbed her legs and put them on his lap, so now she was laid on both of them. He keeps caressing her legs while Bokuto caressed her back and arms.

“Fuck.” She cried. “Why won't you both get out?”

“Because we love you.” Bokuto said. “And, in the end, we are always there to help you.”

“Even when you don't want it.” Kuroo finished for him.

Her head was hurting so much. Her arms was hurting, her heart and fuck why they said that? It was hard enough to pretend that she was sad only because what happened last night, and now they just say ‘we love you’ like it was obvious. Like it didn’t mean anything. It was so hard to keep pretending that she didn’t loved them. Everything was just so fucking hard. But now that they were okay - or almost okay -, not even in hell she would say these three words back. No, it was just too easy to mess it up everything again.

   They stayed like that for a while, until they realized that [y/n] fell asleep.

“Fuck, look at her. She fell asleep.” Kuroo said.

“Yes, she did.”

“It was nice of you to say that we love her.”

“And don’t we?” Bokuto smiled. “If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here.”

“I think I need to tell Kenma about all this.”

“Yes, you do.” Bokuto laughed. “But she’s right. What a fucking emotional rollercoaster.”

“Yep.” Kuroo agreed. “Let’s put her in bed.”


	6. ‘She holds it all up under’

_That pretty head of hers, oh_  
_It comes screaming out_  
_In an electric shout_  
_She's the worst thing_  
_I've been addicted to_  
_[ Run Right Back - El Camino ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSwFsxwb2w8)_

 

    It was weeks after the fight between the three of them and things were starting to be like it used to. Sometimes it got a little bit weird, but nothing that a loud laugh from Bokuto couldn't make it go away. The first game of the academic championship had just ended and their college won by 3-0, so everybody was stuffed inside the captain’s room - Oikawa - to celebrate their first victory.

“I can’t believe that neither one of you guys were MPV’s of this game. You were on fireeeeee. I was so fucking nervous and happy and!!!!!” [y/n] screamed, half drunk from the beer and from the happiness.

“C’mom, Iwaizumi deserved it, so it’s okay.” Kuroo said.

“Who the fuck is Iwaizumi? Is he the beefy guy?”

“I am the beefy guy!” Bokuto whined.

“Not you, the one that is friends with Oikawa. He’s the beefy guy. Those arms should be considered a sin.”

    Bokuto frowned. “And what about mine?”

“I like yours too.” She smiled and then he lit up.

“Yes you do!” He flexed his arms, showing his biceps and [y/n] gasped loudly, making Bokuto and Kuroo laugh.

“You guys suck.” She pouted. “I need another beer.”

“Nope.” Kuroo grabbed her by her hips before she could stand up, making her fall in his lap. “We just arrived and you are already wasted, kitten.”

“Shut it, that’s a lie and you know it.”

“Oh, yes, it is. You just proclaimed your thoughts about Iwaizumi’s arms like it was nothing.”

“Those arms need to be worshiped, Tetsu!” She whined, without realizing that Iwa was standing close to her.

“Iwa-chan~ Go say thanks to her~!” She heard Oikawa say, and she got flustered in one second.

“Ops.” She smiled to Iwaizumi. “You’re welcome, beefy guy. And nice to meet ya!”

    His cheeks were a little red but he smirked anyway. “Thanks.”

“Ohohoh, you are welcome, sir!” She laughed. “Now, would you be a kind beefy guy and grab a beer for me? This fucker won’t let me go.”

“I…”

“Iwaizumi, don’t.” Kuroo said. “She’s already drunk.” He poked her belly.

“Stooop being a party pooper, Tetsurou!” She whined. “I want a beer. They even bought Stellas! _HAND ME YOUR STELLA AND FLYY_ ”

“I’ll grab one for you.” Iwa said, smiling.

“Thaaank you, beefy guy. Maybe you’ll be my best friend instead of this bitch who I’m sitting on top of it.” She smiled again and almost yelpt when Iwaizumi handle her a beer. “ _Arigatou Gozaimasu!”_

“I’m happy to see that you're still as a lightweight for alcohol as you used to be in high school.” Bokuto smiled, too.

“Yes, indeed I am. I’m the lightest weight of alcohol.”

“That doesn’t make sense, kitten.” Kuroo laughed.

“Your face doesn’t make sense.” She replied, laughing. “Oh, my. I’m so funny.”

“How can a person be this drunk with only 2 beers?” Kuroo just couldn’t believe that she was already like that.

“How should I know?” Bokuto laughed, enjoying the situation.

“FUCK I LOVE THIS SONG!” She screamed. “ _I run right back, Run right back to her! I wanna jump the track! And run right back, I'm sure… I run right back to her!_ ” She sang, and since she was on Kuroo’s lap, it was hard to dance to the music she adored. But that did not stop her from trying.

    Kuroo was trying really hard to not… Well, get hard with her on his lap. And fuck, it was fucking difficult, mostly because she just couldn’t keep still. And as much as she didn’t liked her own body, Kuroo simply adored those curves.

    Since the day they slept together, some weird thoughts kept appearing on Kuroo’s head. He already felt how her body was like being pressed with his, and since he finally realised that she was attracted to her, it wasn’t hard for his mind to wander in her body. And of course that his mind would do that right now, with her on his lap, singing and giggling and laughing.

    Kuroo took a deep breath, and he almost killed Bokuto. The fucker was laughing his ass off.

    Of course Bokuto would know when Kuroo was horny. Mostly because he was the main reason for that to happen. And it was funny to see his boyfriend - it was still a little mind blowing to call Kuroo that - trying so hard to pretend that everything was okay.

    And Bokuto would only confess to himself that it was kinda making him horny too, to see her on his boyfriend’s lap.

“Stop giggling around, kitten!” Kuroo asked.

“Fuck, fine. Fine. I just love this song.” She got up and seated between them.

“Oy! You never told us why you called that guy from Nohebi that day we fought!” Bokuto asked.

“I called him because he’s my best friend from Nohebi.”

“I didn’t like him calling me ‘that fucker from Nekoma’.” Kuroo grunted.

“Well, Nohebi kinda hates Nekoma so of course he would call you something like that, Neko.” She took a big sip of her beer.  

“Pff, I don’t like them.” Bokuto pouted. “He said something about Daisho, do you know him?”

“Yep. Suguru Daisho, the fucker.” She rolled her eyes. “I hate him.”

“He’s the fucker. Not me.” Kuroo said. “He was like my arch-enemy in high school.”

“Ohohoh So it was you! I remember he saying some stuff about a dumb middle-blocker from Nekoma!”

“Fuck, kitten. Don’t tell me you were friend with him!”

“Bitch, I was his girlfriend.” She finished her beer in one sip.

“What?????” Kuroo and Bokuto just couldn’t believe their luck. “You mean Suguru, right?”

“Yep.” She laughed. “He’s my ex, the one I told you about.”

“Fuck, you lost your virginity to him?”

“YES, PLEASE. SCREAM FOR THE TEAM TO KNOW, ASSHOLE!” She punched Bokuto on his arm. “FUCKING BEEFY OWL!”

“Oya oya oya! You called me Beefy!”

“Shut it!”

“I just can’t believe it.” Kuroo was stunned. “What are the fucking odds? How did we never meet sooner?”

“Maybe the gods wanted us to meet here in college, pretty neko.” She winked. “IWA! I WANT ANOTHER BEER!”

“Fuck, kitten. You have too much stuff inside your little head, don’t you?”

    She smiled, a sly smile with something underneath it that Kuroo couldn’t place. “You have no idea, my sweet sweet neko.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have 6 kudos and i'm dead.  
> thanks for reading, pretty people!


	7. ‘dance all night’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE 10 KUDOS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT  
> AND I HAVE 200 HITS OMG  
> (i'm so happy, thanks guys! <3)

_Cause people they don't wanna be lonely_   
_Never want to be lonely_   
_Never want to be an only one  
[ Weight of Love - Turn Blue ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygdVEIrVnIk)_

 

    Her head was out of space and her body was slightly aching but she was so happy to be there. It was like nothing bad ever happened, the only thing she felt was the beat of the music and the alcohol pumping through her veins. She felt someone standing next to her and with a fast look she recognized Bokuto, and something inside her just ignited. She wanted him to get close to her. To feel his hands on her.  It was probably the first time in the week that she wasn’t feeling lonely. And she was so happy to have Bokuto back in her life, and even happier for having him and Kuroo without of those secrets that existed between them. She was smiling and dancing and thank god for all those Stellas that she drank because only alcohol could make her feel this good.

    Bokuto was not as drunk as her, but he was feeling nice with the beers that he drank. He didn’t knew the song that was playing, but just watching [y/n] dancing it was enough to make him happy that that song was playing. He grabbed her hand and pulled her, making her stand in front of him. He was so lost in her that he forgot about Kuroo, about all the drama from their High School, about the fight, about everything. It was only them dancing in Oikawa’s room and her hips moving with his.

    She felt his hand on her hips and she had to hold the urge to bite her lip. The last time they were this close was when they were messing around in High School, and she finally could admit to herself that even with the bad parts that happened back then, there was some good ones too. And she started to feel hot remembering about those parts.

    It was playing Depeche Mode and she thank god for the good taste on music that someone there had. She loved this song,

 _“_ _This is the morning of our love. It's just the dawning of our love._ ” She sang, and Bokuto felt his cock get hard in almost one second. Thank god Kuroo wasn’t there to see him like that after he laughed because he got hard with her too.

    How come a girl just don’t know the effect she had on people? He just couldn’t understand how she didn’t know how hot, gorgeous and fucking amazing she was. She was too good looking for her own good, and she didn’t even knew about it.

    She kept dancing with him and it was getting harder and harder - pun intended - to pretend that he wasn't getting affected by her. But how could he leave? With her moving her hips like that?

“ _I feel you, each breath you take. Where angels sing spread their wing, my love's on high.”_ She sang again and god did he died a little. Bokuto was feeling even more energetic that he normally felt. And fuck the only reason for him to be like that was her.

“Let’s go, kitten.” He said, without even realizing that he used Kuroo’s nickname on her.

“Where?” She asked.

“Anywhere but here, come on.”

 

“What’s up to you? And when did Tetsu left?” She asked, holding on his arm. They were going to eat something on the 24 convenience store next to their college and she was a little too drunk to walk by herself.

“I don’t remember and I’m fine, why?” Bokuto grabbed her hand.

“You look funny.”

“It’s because you’re drunk.”

“I blame Iwaizumi for this.” She said, laughing. “Oh, he’s so pretty. Is he dating someone?”

“Oikawa.”

“WHAT?”

“I’m joking!” Bokuto laughed. “I don’t know, actually. I can ask someone for you.”

“ _Arigatoouu_ , little owl.” She smiled. “Jesus, I fucking missed you, you know that?”

“I’m glad! I missed you too!”

“No, you don’t understand.” She hugged him. “The year after we graduate, I really missed you. It was hard to not think about you, Kou. You were my best friend and I’m so happy and glad that we are back like we used to be.”

“I am your best friend! And I know how you feel, [y/n]. I missed you too.”

“I am happy. It might be because of the alcohol, but I’m happy. I wish Kuroo and Kenma were here, too. All my boys together with me. And Kazuma.”

“Who is Kazuma?”

“My friend from Nohebi.” She smiled. “Jesus, I wish I could feel this good all the time.” She took a deep breath and looked up to the stars.

    She felt like she was part of something. Like she wasn’t alone anymore. Of course she was feeling like that because of all the beers she drank, but deep inside herself she knew that it was also because of Bokuto. Being with him always made her feel good, she always felt like they belonged together - not only in a romantic way.

    She smiled to herself, nostalgic, thinking about all those times they spent together on her house or his, feeling he up close to her. Feeling his hands roaming through her body. Feeling his lips all over her. All this things were the reason that they drift away, of course, but it was good too. ‘ _Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great’_ , she thought, and she only realized that she said it out loud when she heard Bokuto say sorry.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated himself, and she felt her heart ache. He looked so sad and it took some time to understand what he was saying.

“No!!! No, Kou! Don’t be sad.” She hugged him. “Shit, I said that out loud? I was just thinking about stuff, don’t mind me!”

“But you are right. I gave you some bad memories, and I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I bet I gave you some,too. And that’s okay.” She caressed his face. “I always think about what we did wrong, you know?” She was looking him in the eye. “And I don’t think it was only something that I did or that you did. But I mean it, it doesn’t matter anymore, Kou.” She kept looking him in the eye and she could see herself in those golden eyes. Bokuto was pretty, everybody knew that, but she didn’t thought that he could get prettier until she saw him under this moonlight. It looked like his hair were shining, thanks to the white parts on in.

“I really hate myself for hurting you.” He whispered, closing his eyes.

“I don’t.”

“I… I just wished there was something I could do to make it up to you.”

“Well, there is one thing.”

“What?”

“You could forgive yourself.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know.”

     Bokuto kept his eyes closed and tried to focus only on her hands running through his face and hair. And it was so comforting. She always was a friend of PDA, even with her friends. She just liked the idea to fondle and caress and pet her friends to show how much she cared about them. She showed all those things with the palm of her hands.

    She started to run her hand on his nape and her fingers intertwined with his hair and went to his shoulder. She kept making this route and damn his Ace shoulders that were making her want to pull him closer. He was so built and hot and all this rubbing was starting to make her feel a little bit hot. But she tried not to think about it.  

    He always liked the way that she felt comfortable enough to touch him however she wanted to. It was probably what made them get close that fast in high school. And now, being this close to her again just like they were in Fukurodani, plus being a little drunk, was making him think about doing stuff that he wasn’t supposed to do. That he wasn’t allowed to do, actually.

    Like kiss her.

    His eyes were already open and he looked down on her red lips. It looked like she was biting them, and he almost didn’t catch how flustered she got when he looked to her lips. But of course he did.

    She knew all too well what meant when Bokuto looked at her that way. Even drunk like she was, [y/n] knew what was going in Bokuto’s mind - mostly because it was going in her mind, too.  They were so close. All they had to do was take one step for the two to kiss. And while half of her was almost screaming and begging for her to close the gap between them, Kuroo appeared on the other half and she felt weird thinking about kissing Kou.

    She took a deep breath and let him go. “Come, let’s go to our dorm.”

    Bokuto stared at her, trying to understand what happened. And when he finally spoke he thanked the gods for not kissing her. Kuroo appeared on his mind, too, and he just didn’t knew what was going to happen if he kissed her.

    He felt bad for wanting to kiss her. He felt like he was betraying Kuroo’s trust. But he just couldn’t help himself, so he settled on holding her hand and kissing her head.

“Don’t you want to eat?” Bokuto asked.

“Not anymore. I want to sleep.” She sighed. “Could… Could you sleep with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Yep.” He smiled and her heart clenched.

    How could her not love this little owl of hers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i took so long to post the next cap  
> i just didn't knew how to write what was in my head  
> and i'm feeling like shit for a while, so it was hard to write something a little bit more happy.  
> but i tried.  
> thanks again for reading! <3


	8. ‘In me you can confide’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, i'm sorry.  
> I just graduated in college (FUCK YES) and i didn't had time to write or post.  
> But here I am!  
> It is short? yes  
> But i tried and that's all that matters hehehe  
> THANKS FOR THE 13 KUDOS I AM DEAD

__ When no one’s by your side  
Let me be your everlasting light  
[ Everlasting Light - Brothers ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QruSZ7xO7z4)

 

   It was so hard to pretend that she didn’t want to be with Bokuto and Kuroo. But she had to, mostly because they were spending more time together and even with both of them denying, she knew that something was going on. And it didn’t matter what they said to her, she knew that they liked each other. It was so obvious to her, Bokuto looked at Kuroo like he was the most handsome man in the world. And Kuroo looked at him the same way, and she could see it even behind his smirk. So she decided to take some time apart of them. She kept spending time with [bf/n] and Kenma, and she even had lunch with Iwaizumi and Oikawa a couple of times. She kinda missed them, but it was for the best.

 

   She was laid on her back in Kenma’s bed while he played some videogame. The sounds coming from the videogame was the perfect background noise for her to keep reading without feeling alone, and sometimes Kenma would ask her if she was okay. She always answered that she was fine, but Kenma knew that she was lying, he even tried to make Kuroo tell him about what happened but he just kept making excuses, and that was weird because after all they were best friends, too.

“When you will tell me what happened between you and Kuroo and Bokuto-san?” He said out of the blue.

“Well, I kinda thought that Tetsu had told you.”

“He didn’t. He said that it wasn’t his place to tell.”

“You should have told me that sooner, dummy. I’d tell you.”

“Then go.” He paused the game.

   [y/n] started talking about her high school and all the drama with Bokuto. Then she started to talk about how she kinda liked Kuroo since the first time she saw him and how all her feelings for Bokuto came back when she met him again. She told him everything, and Kenma kept silent all the time.

“And now I know that I like both of them and I know that they liked each other but they keep denying it and I decided to keep away from them for a while, until I understand all this shit that is going inside my head.” She sighed. “It’s just so hard, you know?”

“I don’t, but I can imagine.” He shrugged. “I can’t confirm that they liked each other because Kuroo didn’t say anything to me but they are spending more time together.”

“I just wished that they could tell me. I don’t know why they want to hide this from me.”

“Don’t forget that you might be wrong about that.”

“But I might be right too.” She sighed.

“Is that why you are spending more time with me?”

“Yep, that and because I missed you”. She smiled. “What would I do without my little kitty?”

“I already asked you to stop calling me that.” She pressed play on his console.

“Never, pretty boy.” She ran her fingers through his blonde hair. 

“Meh.” He shrugged. 

“But it is kinda weird that Testu didn’t tell you anything about it.” She pouted.

“Not really. He always tells me things, but he takes his time to do it.” Kenma didn’t even took his eyes from the TV. “And it’s none of my business, anyway.”

“I know it isn’t.” She sighed. “Anyway, it feels nice to finally talk about this with you.”

“I don’t know why took you so long to do it.” He said. “I said a couple of times that i’m here if you need me.”

   She smiled. Kenma was always so blunt and direct when talking about this kind of stuff. It made her happy to know that even with all the drama between her and Kuroo, her little kitty would always be here to help her. 

“I’m so stupid sometimes, right?”

“Yes, you are”

“You weren’t supposed to agree with me, pudding head!”

“But you are, it’s not my fault that you are always so under you head that you forgot that there are people here to help you. All you need to do is ask for help.”

“I hate so much when you are right.”

“I know that too.” His lips opened up to a faint smile. 

* * *

   It was the final of the semester and she finally had other things to think about besides her drama. She had five tests coming up and she had to finished some project about the World War II and her head was full of dates and names and cities. She was a fucking wreck, and she had just finished studying to her first test when someone knocked on the door.

   She got up and she couldn’t stop the smile that spread on her face when she saw not only Kuroo, but Bokuto too, standing on the door with ice-cream and some dvds.

“[bf/n] said that you were going crazy with the finals.” Kuroo said, smiling. “So here we are.”

“Oh, my heroes.” She said, dramatically, throwing herself to them. “But I have to study.”

“Just one movie! Please!” Bokuto asked, smiling too. “We missed you, you left us! Don’t you think I didn’t saw you eating lunch with Iwaizumi and Oikawa!”

“Oh, don’t be jealous, my little owl.” She grabbed the ice-cream and made room for them to enter. “It was just lunch.”

“I was surprised that you talked with Iwa being sober. You said some dumb stuff to him in Oikawa’s party.” Kuroo said, smirking, while making room for the three of them in the couch.

“I know. Oikawa made his job to remember me all the time at lunch. It was awesome.” She said, ironically, making Bokuto laugh. “But Iwaizumi got all flustered too so it was kinda funny to see.”

“I don’t want you forgetting us to be with those seijoh’ boys.” Bokuto pouted.

“You guys are so possessive, what’s happening?”

   They exchange some weird look. “Nothing.” Both said at the same time.

“Ha, ok. I don’t believe it but this ice-cream is calling my name and I need to watch something before my brain melts.” She took her usual seat - between the both of them - and sighed happily when Bokuto placed his arms on her shoulders. Ha, she thought.  _ “I’m such a hypocrite. I’m such an idiot. I keep telling everybody that I want to be away from them to decide what’s happening in my head but I already know. I want this. Fuck me.” _ She thought, bitterly, and at the same time Kuroo came back with some spoons and a blanket. 

 

_ “I really want this. All the time. I want them.” _


	9. ‘But I came to love you anyway’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 16 kudos.  
> i love the comments that you guys make!  
> and yep i'm on fire i already wrote two chapters since last update!!!  
> thanks for reading and I love you guyssss!!!

__ so you pull my heart out  
__ and I don’t mind bleeding  
__ Any of the time you keep me waiting  
__ waiting, wating  
_ ooooh, I’ve got a love that keeps me waiting  
_ [ __ Lonely Boy - El Camino ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_426RiwST8)

  
  


   Bokuto knew that he had to talk with his boyfriend - he was still feeling a little bit weird calling Tetsu that - about the stuff that went through his head when he was with [y/n] after Oikawa’s party. He just couldn’t get it out of his head how she looked at him and the way he felt. He knew her long enough to know what that look that she gave him meant that she wanted him, not only because she used to look at him like that but because sometimes he caught her looking that way to Kuroo. And after that moment they had, of course she kept coming back to his head and to his dreams. Even with her being away from them - it was obvious that she was avoiding not only him but Kuroo too -, she just kept appearing in his dreams: Happy as she was on the party, and sometimes panting just the same, but for other reasons. 

    It was getting a little bit hard to ignore this. To ignore this feeling that kept coming back. And it was so hard to not get affected by that, after all, he knew how she felt under him. He knew how she looked when having an orgasm. He knew how she always smiled when he kissed her neck or how she bit her lower lip trying to pretend that she wasn’t going crazy with his touches. 

   How she liked to provoke him, trying to escape from his arms but gladly waiting for him to hold her again.

   He knew that all too well.

   So it wasn’t hard for him to find out that he was falling for her. Especially when he saw [y/n] having lunch with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Bokuto got so mad at first and then got so sad that even in practice he couldn’t get his spikes right. And, as simple minded as he always were, there weren’t many explanations to why he was like that.

   He liked her, enough to be afraid to lose her to those seijoh’ fuckers. Enough to be afraid of she drifting away from him again.

   Everybody knew how simple-minded Bokuto was. After all, if he wanted something, he could just go and try to get it. If he knew that he needed something, he would just do everything he could to get it.

   And that was why he was standing in Kuroo’s doorstep, waiting for him to leave.

   It was time to talk about [y/n].

   He really thought that it was funny to see how flustered and hard Kuroo got with [y/n] on his lap. It was hilarious, but he knew that it meant something. It took some time for him to see it, but well, he was slow, after all. The mischievous, provocative and fast one was Kuroo, after all.  And that was funny, for him to be the one to see it first. 

   They were a heck of a love triangle. And they all loved each other.

“Sorry.” Kuroo said, opening up the door and pulling Bokuto to a peck on his lips. “Did I mention that I love doing this?”

“I do too!” Bokuto hugged him. “But I kinda wished that I could do more than that with you, too.” Bokuto got serious. “And I kinda want to talk to you about that.”

“Ok, but first I want coffee.” Kuroo smirked, and kept his hand close enough to feel like they were holding hands. 

   It wasn’t normal to Bokuto get so serious like that. And Kuroo felt a little bit tense because of it. They were dating for almost two months now and they had never done something more.. Lewd, other than intense make out sessions. Kuroo didn’t knew why he was so tense about it. And knowing Bokuto, if it really was something about that, he would have zero tact to talk about it.

   But that didn’t make the weird feeling go away.

 

   It didn’t took long for the two of them to be seated on their usual coffee place. Bokuto was drinking something decaf - it was to late for him to be high on caffeine - and Kuroo was drinking his usual order: a cappuccino with whipped cream. They were silent and both of them felt weird, but Bokuto knew that it was better to just say it.

“So, I think we need to tell [y/n] about us.” Bokuto simply said.

“Why?”

“Because I think she is in love with both of us.” 

“What?”

“Yep.” Bokuto said like it was nothing and took a sip of his drink. “I mean, it makes sense! It explains why she was so afraid of being close with us. And why she kept thinking that you hated her because… of that thing.”  He made a weird face. “And I think it’s only fair for her to know about us from us, right?”

   Kuroo kept silent. How did Bokuto notice that and  _ he _ didn’t? Fuck, that changed everything. How would he feel comfortable with being with Koutarou knowing that the girl of his life was also into him? That his best friend was in love with him?

“Do you think it’s fair? With her? Because I think that the will get so angry and mad and sad about it.”

“Of course she will. But…” Bokuto was suddenly shy. “I feel bad doing this on her back.”

“Why are you red, Kou?”

“I’m not red!”

“Yes, you are. Why?”

“Because I remembered something that I didn’t tell you.” Bokuto said, with his voice low. “After you went home on Oikawa’s party, me and [y/n] went to eat something and I don’t know! I felt something when she looked at me. And we danced and she hugged me and maybe it was the beer or I don’t know but I wanted her. The same way that I want you. And I was feeling so bad because you are my boyfriend and fuck I love you and I thought…”

“Kou!” Kuroo grabbed his hand. “Slow down.” Of course Bokuto was in the verge of one of his emo-modes but Kuroo couldn’t help to smile when his boyfriend said that he loved him. “Breathe, babe.”

   Bokuto took a deep breath and started to stare to his boyfriend. He liked him for so long, probably the main reason that he liked all those summer camps in his high school was because he was finally able to be with Kuroo for a whole week. He remembered how sad he got when Nekoma lost to Karasuno - he was kinda happy too, it was awesome to see his pupil win the famous battle of the trash heap -, and fuck it was this moment where he realized that he wouldn’t see Kuroo as much as he used to.

   And then they both got accepted in the same university and it was like fate had given him another chance. But, of course that something had to happen to mess it all up again. And now here he was, feeling like shit for wanting someone else beside his boyfriend. Besides his best friend.

   He needed to tell him about how he felt for [y/n]. He just needed it.

   It took him some time to finally have the guts to say it, but when he did he felt lighter at the same time. 

“I think I like her, too.” He said and closed his eyes. Kuroo just laughed out loud. “What?”

“It’s just so absurd.” Kuroo said and moved closer to him. “You were feeling as bad as I was for the same thing.” He grabbed Bokuto’s face and gave him a fast but soft kiss on the lips. “That day on Oikawa’s party I was feeling the same, she was in my lap and all I could think about was getting her naked and what would you think of me if you knew about it.” 

“Really?!” Bokuto asked, his face lighting up at the same time.

“Really. And it really makes sense. Other day she was asking me if it was possible to love two persons at the same time. Fuck i’m usually faster to notice this stuff.” He laughed. “And you like her?”

“I do!” Bokuto almost screamed. “I’m sorry! I do, I think I’ve been liking you both for some time, actually.”

“See? It is so much easier when we talk about stuff. And yep, I like her too. We just have to decide what to do about it.”

“Ahhh I don’t want to! I want to go see her! I want to tell her!”

“Chill, babe. We will. But we have to be smooth about this. You know that she can react badly about it and we don’t want that.”

“True.” Bokuto pouted.

“Kenma told me that she was avoiding us...”

“I knew it!”

“... and she was going to spend this afternoon studying. We should just go check on her.”

“And bring ice-cream and movies for her to chill sometime.”

“Yep.”

   Bokuto sighed. “I’m so happy now! I’m so lighter! You are the best boyfriend ever, you know that?”

“Of course I do.” Kuroo smirked. 

“But what will we do about us three?” 

“Let’s start small and see where it goes from there.” Kuroo said. “She might be not so very understanding about it. And we need to take it slow with her. We have to wait for her to be ready. Now kiss me, babe. I missed you.”


	10. “I want it, you got it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep I had 2 chapters but i deleted them because i felt like it and re-wrote everything.  
> is it better? idk.  
> but here it is :)

_So much_  
 _I'm crazy for_  
 _Your touch_  
[ Your Touch - Magic Touch ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K12ThB088SA)

 

    Of course that after both boys realised everything about the three of them, they kept spending time with her. And soon enough all finals were gone and they were ready for the holidays. Kuroo and Bokuto’s parents lived on Tokyo, but [y/n]’s mom moved out when she got into college. So that’s why she was on the train, going to meet Kuroo’s father and his grandparents. She was nervous as fuck, obviously, but she was happy too. She didn’t want to be alone on campus - not that she was really going to, because both boys decided to stay on the dorms with her, and Bokuto took this chance to go visit his parents too.

    She was with her head over Kuroo’s shoulders and listening to music while looking through the window. She couldn’t see much, but her head was in other world - like usually.

    It was obvious to her that both of them kept spending time with her. She just didn’t knew why. She wasn’t complaining, too, but it was weird to jump from avoiding them to being with them all times. Even [bf/n] noticed how much they were trying to be with her. Her mind keep telling her that it was a trap, that she shouldn’t get used to this attention. But how could she?

   Just other day the three of them squeezed into her single bed because they kept making noise in the small room and [bf/f] got mad, so they went to [y/n] room and kept talking about everything and nothing at the same time. It didn’t took long for them to fall asleep, with her sandwiched between them, of course.

    She woke up the next day with her arm feeling numb because in the middle of the night Bokuto moved so he was sleeping over her arm. He was holding her by the waist and Kuroo was on her other side, laid on his stomach, with his arm over her and holding not only her but Bokuto too. She couldn’t help the smile that she gave to herself, she couldn’t help the warmth that spread in her body, coming from her heart and going to all over it. Her heart was just too big for her chest and she sighed, happy.

    [y/n] was thinking about that and she felt the same just from remembering. And ironically enough, Stolen Dance from Milky Chance started to play at the same time. She laughed, loudly, waking up Kuroo.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She sighed. “ _I want you by my siiiide, so that I never feel alone, again”_. She sang.

“I’ve already said that you have too much inside your head, right?”

“Yes, you did.” She winked. “Go back to sleep, Neko.”

“Nah. We are only two stops from home.” He stretched. She was tapping her feet on the rhythm of the song, and Kuroo got curious and took her phone from her hand.

“I like this tune.” He said, smirking. _“Your heart is too strong anyway. We need to fetch back the time, they have stolen from us.”_ He sang, putting his head over hers.

    Oh, it was so ironically indeed. Even Kuroo thought so. And it was funny, too, how some songs just appeared on the right time, with the right things to say.

 

_And I want you_   
_We can bring it on the floor_   
_You’ve never danced like this before_   
_We don’t talk about it_   
_Dancin' on do the boogie all night long_   
_Stoned in paradise._

 

    They both sang together, and [y/n] couldn’t help the warmth that appeared on her face. She remembered the party on Oikawa’s and she almost laughed with the part that they don’t talk about it. She tried to look to Kuroo, trying to see if he got the not so subtle clue she said with the song.

    Kuroo was thinking the same thing until the got of the train.

* * *

“I already told you, you don’t need to be nervous”.

“Of course I am. I’m going to meet your fucking parents. I wish Kenma was here with me!” She whimpered.

“Don’t worry. We will go back to the dorm tomorrow morning.”

“Fine, fine.” She sighed.

    It was almost eight p.m when they arrived on the Kuroo’s household. They lived on a condo a little bit far from the centre of the city. She was sweating nervously but she took a deep breath and smiled while Kuroo ranged the doorbell. It didn’t took long for someone to open the door and soon enough they were both being hold by and older woman.

“Finally! What took you both so long?” She stopped hugging both of them and went to properly hug her grandson. “I missed you so much, Tetsurou! And you! You must be [y/n], right?”

“Yes, hi, Mrs. Kuroo.” [y/n] hugged her, awkwardly. “Sorry we took so long to arrive.”

“I bet it was all Tetsu’s fault, don’t worry! He always were slow to get ready, always trying to fix his hair.  And call me Mizuki, okay? ”

“Grandma, please.” Kuroo passed through her and went into the house. “Dad! Grandpa! I’m here!”

“Don’t you ‘grandma please’ me because i’m right.” She smirked. “Anyways, welcome home, [y/n]. I’m finishing dinner and…”

“Do you want any help, Mizuki?”

“No, don’t worry.” She smiled. “You can stay here, and soon enough I will bring some photos of Tetsu to make him feel shy.”

“Okay.” [y/n] laughed. “I can’t barely wait for those photos!”

“You two are evil together.” Kuroo said, grabbing  [y/n]’s hand. “Ok, let’s put our bags on my older room”.

“Ohhhohoho will I see your high school room? That will be so funnnnn~” She said, laughing, following Kuroo to his room.

    Much to [y/n]’s dismay, it was a normal room. His bed was under his window and she could see a TV on the opposite wall. There were two bookshelves, one on each side of the TV. She entered the room and almost tripped on a volleyball on the floor.

“Why am I not surprised?” She said, leaning down and grabbing the ball.

“Because you know me.” He smirked. “There. Let’s eat.” He said after leaving their backpacks on the bed.

 

    Soon enough all five of them were seated on the dinner table. [y/n] had just met Kuroo’s father and Grandfather and they were laughing about some stories of Kuroo’s childhood.

“And then he tried to put the cat on his backpack, because he wanted to show it to Kenma!”. His father said, laughing.

“I thought that Kenma were your neighbor?”

“He was!” Mizuki answered. “That’s why it is so absurd! He wanted to take his cat to school.”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Kuroo said.

“Oh, of course it did!” [y/n] laughed.

“How about you, sweetie?” Mizuki asked. “Do you have any funny story growing up?”

“I don’t know…” She pouted, thinking, and Kuroo had to bite the urge to smile. She always looked so cute like that. It made him want to bit her lips. “Well, I grew up only with my mom, my father weren’t around, so I was really close to my mom’s side of the family.” Kuroo caught a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. It made him upset, of course. “I have four uncles, and I think it was my eighth birthday and we decided to make it like halloween. Me, my mum, my older cousin and her mom got dressed as a witch, her brother as a samurai. One of my uncles dressed as a mummy, and his brother as that guy from Scream, what’s his name…”

“Ghostface?” Kuroo said.

“Yep!” She smiled. “And I think even my grandma got dressed as something. So anyways, there we were, laughing, and then we hear a loud scream. All the children got so surprised and tried to go where the scream came, and there it was.” She had a little smile in her face, lost in the memories. “My uncle’s house were being built, and it didn’t have any paints or cement on the walls, so at night the house were creepy as itself. But for my birthday he decided to put candles all over it, so it was even creepier. Me and my cousins went there and we just couldn’t go in. And my uncle kept screaming and making us even more afraid.”

“Maybe that’s why you are so afraid of horror movies.” Kuroo said, laughing.

“Maybe, but anyway.” She took a sip of water. “So, after a while, he stopped doing that. Everybody got into my grandma’s house and then all of a sudden all the lights were off. I got so afraid that I started crying and then my uncle lit up the house and tried to hold me. But he was still dressed as a mummy, so of course I ran. He tried to get me but he tripped on the gauze on his leg and he fell on the cake.”

“Oh my!” Mizuki laughed a little. “I can imagine all the fuss that this made.”  
“Oh, you can’t. I was laughing so much that he threw at me a handful of cake. And then it was the beginning of the one and only food war that ever happened on my grandma’s house.”

“You seem very close to him.” Hideki, Kuroo’s grandfather, said.

“I am. I think all four of them tried to compensate my father being away. I love them as much as I can.” She smiled.

“I didn’t knew that about you, kitten.” Kuroo said, serious, but with a soft gaze on his face.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Neko.” She winked, making everybody laugh.

“Okay, let me get these plates and…”  
“Do you want help?” [y/n] got up, ready to take some things but Mizuki soon made her sit down again.

“No, these two will help me. You and Tetsu can go watch a movie or something and tomorrow at breakfast I will show some embarrassing pictures of Tetsu.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! Go, go. After this me and Hideki will sleep and soon enough will Ren.”

 

    Kuroo grabbed her hand and they went to his room. She almost jumped to his bed, laughing.

“Oh my god, I’m so full.” She laughed. “I think I need to open my pants.”

“You sound so sexy talking like that.” Kuroo joked, and took a seat next to her. “Why did you never told me about all those stuff of your family?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I think we never brought it up about it, I guess.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Every day. But soon will be Christmas and everybody will be at my grandma’s and everything will be fine.” She smiled.

“Why weren’t you father around?”

“I think he never loved me. I don’t know actually, my mom wasn’t married to him and he never tried to be on my life. But it doesn’t matter and stoooop with theeese sad questions! I want to watch something!”

“Fine, fine.” Kuroo shook his head. “How about Scream? Since you were talking about ghostface and stuff.”  
“Oh, that’s a very good choice, Neko!” She sat up. “Go put it! The first one, please!”

 

    They were in the middle of the movie and Kuroo couldn't stop laughing of the little jumps that she made. He was seated behind her and she was lying down on his torso, with her head on his shoulder. He was hugging her from behind and even if she wanted to leave his embrace, he probably wouldn’t let her.

    Not that she was complaining.

“Fuck, my back hurts.” She said, trying to find a more comfortable position.

“Here, let me.” He pushed her and started to rub her neck.

    It was so good. His hands were rough and it felt so good on her neck.

    He started to rub some of the tension that were on her neck, and she tied her hair up in a bun to make it easier for him. He made her head lie in his left hand while rubbing the right side of her neck, and soon his hand was on her shoulder, pressing, rubbing, caressing.

    [y/n] could feel his breath on her head and she couldn’t stop her eyes from closing. He kept massaging her right shoulder and when he finished this side, he did the same thing with the other one.

    It felt so good to be touching her. He could feel all her skin and it was so soft against his rough hands. He could do this all night if she asked too, and it was kinda funny to see how she shivered everytime he breathed next to her neck. It was even funnier to see her trying to control these shivers. Kuroo kept massaging for some time and he tried to pay attention to the movie and not to how she kept squirming and breathing unsteadily. And of course his head went where shouldn’t.

    How would it feel to be over her? Inside her? While she panted because of him? He sure would take his time unclothing her and feeling her, roaming his hands through her body until he reached that holy place. How would she be while having sex? Knowing her, she would keep provoking him until he just couldn’t take it anymore.

    Kuroo smirked. It would be so much fun to see her fall apart because of him. It would be fun and delicious to see her like that, naked, trembling…

    Oh, great, he thought. _“What a nice time to have a boner.”_

    He was lost in thoughts, trying to contain his boner when he heard a little soft moan come from [y/n].

    Yep. Now there was nothing he could do. He got even harder with that sweet little noise.

“Kitten?” He whispered in her ear. Now he was massaging her back and his hands were on her waist, and just now re realized that while thinking about her, he was grinding in her back and holding her waist roughly.

“What?” She whispered, trying to maintain her composure.

“Do you feel this?” He whispered again, and started to kiss from behind her ear to her shoulder.

“I do.” She said, half moaning half speaking.

“Fuck, [y/n].” He pulled her closer to him, his hands where now massaging her lower back, and he even got a little bold and now his hands were inside her blouse.

“What?” She asked. “What, Tetsu?”

    Oh, fuck. Her voice saying his name like that made him groan with desire. But soon he laughed, his voice husky.

“You don’t even know the effect you have on people, do ya?”. He shook his head, a smirk growing in his lips. “I should show you, kitten. I think I will.” He bit her earlobe. “If you let me.”

 

    Oh my. How did everything went from 0 to 69 so fast like that? She was all giggly inside, and fuck his voice and fuck his dick on her back and fuck his hands on her body. She didn’t even notice how he was now squeezing her thighs and using his thumb to rub them.

“Will you?” He whispered again. She wanted so much.. She wanted so bad for him to show her. But how could she say ‘yes’ when Bokuto kept appearing on her head? At the same time she felt weird about doing this with Kuroo, she felt so, so right being this close to him.

“Yes.” She whispered and soon enough Kuroo’s hands went to her pussy. She was wearing a skirt - thank god, they both thought - and even the slight touch of his hand over her panties made her breathe harder.

“You are so wet, kitten.” He kept whispering on her ear. “So wet for me.”

    He pulled her panties aside and started to rub her clit. She had to bit her lips from making loud noises since, after all, they were on his parents house. But she couldn’t hold the moan that she made when he bit her neck. She could feel the smirk on her neck and she let out a slight laugh.

“Idiot.” She said, still smiling.

    And just to get back at her, with his other hand he started to run his fingers on her entrance, provoking her just as much as he thought she would do with him. And when her breath started to get even more unsteady, and he felt her hand squeeze his thigh, he entered her with one smooth movement and started to pump it on her.   
    It didn’t took long for her to hit her climax. She moaned his name through her bitten lips  and he listened, with a satisfied smile on his face. Fuck he wanted to do more. He wanted to fuck her till morning.

    His head was lost on desire but he soon remembered something important. He should have talked to Bokuto before doing something like that.

    Fuck.

 

    [y/n] head was on Kuroo’s shoulder and she was feeling so light and good. It have been months since her last fling and now after doing this with her boy - one of them at least  - it made everything better. She wanted to kiss him, and to sleep with him holding her, but now she was just so sleepy and enjoying the fuzziness of her orgasm that she decided to just close her eyes.

    Kuroo laid her down on the bed and she opened up her eyes.

“Where…”

“Bathroom, kitten. I’ll be right back.” He said and she could see in his eyes how he wanted her. That thought made her feel happy inside.

“Okay.” She smiled. “Don’t take so long, Testu.” She said and her voice was so full of emotions that he felt bad and good at the same time.

“I won’t.” He said and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to update  
> and for leaving your guys like that hahaha  
> but the chapter was already too long and i had at least 5 topics more to write and i thought 'hmmm i think i'll be evil'  
> so yep i am being evil.
> 
> and i'm so sorry for the poor smut quality, i think that it is so hard to write porn in portuguese so you can imagine how i feel about writing it on english. but i tried :)
> 
> thankkk you for reading!!! <3


	11. “You have on my soul”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas and happy new year for all of youuuuuuuuuuouou  
> yep i know i'm late but better late than never right  
> i really wish that you guys had the most amazing end of year. I don't even know if i'm writing this right but it's 4:23 in the morning here in Brazil and I'm kinda asleep and I got tired of not posting this chapter. so here it is
> 
> It is short? yes  
> but, as usual, i got stuck and i thought 'just fuck it' and here it is.
> 
> and yes, i loooooooove drama.

_It's all I do_  
 _Is, baby, dream of you_  
 _I'm falling down_  
 _When you're around_  
[ The Only One - Brothers ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=p9ELYMhJZlI)

  


    Kuroo was on the bathroom, washing his face, trying to recompose himself. But it didn’t matter how much he washed his hands, he could still smell her. He could still hear her breath and feel her so close to him. It was hard to come back to normal, but he did after some time. And now was the hard part. He looked at the clock and it was only eleven p.m., so of course Bokuto wouldn’t be sleeping. Now he didn’t even had an excuse to not call him.

    How would he bring up the subject? ‘Oh, hi babe, er, me and [y/n] kinda got horny and we kinda did stuff, but of course you were on my mind all times!’

    Nope.

    But he had to do it. He had to. He wouldn’t just keep his mouth shut like the two of them did about those stuff that happened on high school. It was the very least thing he could do.

    He took his phone and just now he noticed how he was shaking. Fuck, he was so nervous. But he had to do it.

    He just had to.

    He was repeating this mantra while waiting for him to pick up.

"Oh, hi babe!" Fuck, he just heard his voice and his heart felt heavier. "Sorry, I was playing some videogame. How are you? How is [y/n]? I miss you both!"

"We're fine. I... I kinda need to tell you something."

"What? Say it! I have to tell you about here at home! But you go first!" 

"I... Well, me and [y/n] eat dinner and tomorow we'll be going back before lunch."

"Wait for me in your room! I think I'll arrive some time after 3." 

"Fine."

    They both kept in silence. For Kuroo, it looked like Bokuto was waiting for him to finish whatever he was saying so that he could finally say something. But for Bokuto, it felt like his boyfriend wasn't saying something. He felt it, inside, somewhere. But Kuroo had nothing to keep from him, right? So he just started talking about his day with his brother and what he had for dinner until he really had nothing left to say.

    And that was a weird feeling.

"Babe?" 

"Sorry." Kuroo answeared, aloof. "I was thinking. Sorry, babe."

"It's okay." Bokuto didn't laughed this time. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing especific. I guess... I..."

"What, Tetsu?" 

"I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry, really sorry." He Me and... Me and [y/n] kinda got carried away." Kuroo said. "Kinda like you did with her... In high school..."

    It felt weird. It felt bizarre. It felt... Extraterrestrial.

    Bokuto couldn't place what he felt. Anormal, that could be. Angry? No, he wasn't angry... Not only angry, at least. He was weird. He was pissed, and weird, and fuck he wanted to kinda punch his boyfriend for doing that.

    He couldn't think straight, and Kuroo kept saying stuff in the phone and fuck him.

"Fuck you, Kuroo." And he just hang up.

   He never did that to anyone. Not even when he was depressed.

   But he needed to understand what happened. He needed to understand why he felt so betrayed because of that. How could he do that to him? They agreed to be together with her. They talked about it, how they both - they both!!! - felt about her. And they, fuck, they agreed that they were going to be slow with her.

   And two weeks later there he was almost fucking his girl.

 

   Did he just called her his girl?

   Was that it? Was him jealous?what he wanted to do with [y/n].

   He really didn't know what made him this much angry and weird and extraterrestrial. But the only thing Bokuto knew was that he had to just stop talking to Kuroo for some time. He just had to think.

   What a lovely way to end his night.

 

* * *

 

   Kuroo almost screamed. He almost screamed his lungs out, but that not only would work but also he would wake up his family and [y/n], and that was not going to help. He threw his phone on the sofa, and seated down, thinking what did he do.

   Did he just messed all up with Bokuto?

   Fuck, the three of them were finally going to be okay. He rushed things and now he was paying the price. He hated himself so much. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard. 

   He kept seated on his sofa, thinking about what he would do next. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t heard [y/n] coming out of his room.

“Neko?” She asked, and he almost jumped out of the sofa. “Oh, sorry.” She smiled.

    He was feeling like shit, but her smile made him feel a little bit better.

“I thought you were asleep.” He said, trying to pretend that he was okay.

“I was, but I kinda missed you by my side.” She said, flustered. “Is everything okay?”

    No. “Yep. Let’s go to sleep.”

    She smiled again, feeling her heart almost ache with love. “Kay’”.

    Kuroo really needed to think about something to make everything better with Bokuto again. But how could he think about stuff this bad while having [y/n] laid on his side, running her hands through his hair and with him feeling her heartbeat right next to him?

    He didn’t deserve this.

    But he would enjoy having her on his arms, and he left this problem to be dealt in the morning.


	12. “don't leave us not in love again”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me tell you, i've been writing this chapter since the beggining of january and it never got the way I wanted.  
> But now I kinda wrote it in a way that I like so here it is!!!  
> And beware of the angst, because there's a lot.  
> but well, it was obvious right? hehehee  
> enjoy, leave kudos to make me happy and comment! I love when you guys say stuff to me, and i promise i'll answer them!  
> bye babes! <3

_cause we might break instead of bend_  
[ 10 Lovers - Turn Blue ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktgqpEJsnHY)

 

    [y/n] was awake for some time.

    She couldn’t believe how familiar - but yet so, so bizarre - was to be waking up next to Kuroo. It wasn’t the first time that she slept with him right next to her, but it was so different. So different and so, so good. She knew that they had to talk about what happened, but everytime she tried to formulate what to say, her mind wandered to last night.

    What a _fucking_ night.

    The right thing for her to do was to wake him up, but it was so good to be feeling him laid next to her. And she was too shy to even think about him looking her in the eyes. And if she did wake him up, what she should say? That was the most important thing.

    So, the safer thing to do was to think about that. To have the words on the tip of her tongue. And she did try to think about that.  

    But she failed, again.

    I mean, _fuck_. How could she ignore all the feelings and images that came back from last night? How could she forget his touches and his little moans and his hands on her cunt. How could she forget how fast she came? Maybe it was all the pent-up sexual frustration she had, or maybe it was because of who was touching her like an expert.

    After all, Kuroo was one of her damn boys.

    (And one of the reasons of all the pent-up sexual tension she had. Him and Bokuto.

    Fuck, Bokuto!)

    She laughed, trying to not make any sound. _“Yep, i’d like to fuck him, too_.” She thought to herself.

    And now she was even more shy now.

 

    Kuroo was slowly coming back to consciousness because of a warm feeling on his abs. It was coming from his belly button up to his chest, and it was so good. It was like some butterfly touches that he didn’t needed to think hard to know from who it was.

    He yawned and blinked some times and he opened his eyes, only to see [y/n]’s hands going up and down his torso. Kuroo smiled, fond of her touch. He wanted to see her face, but she was laid with her head on his shoulder and she was facing her hands too, so the only think he could see was the top of her head. Her touch felt even more nice with him watching her doing it.

    He felt so at peace. Everything felt so peaceful.

    At least outside his head.

    Because everything came back in a flash and soon he was feeling like shit again. He knew that the only thing that would make him feel better was to talk with his boyfriend, but he also knew that that would be really hard. When Bokuto got mad, he really stayed mad for some time.

"I can hear you frowning, Neko."

    He didn’t realized that he had closed up his eyes and that he was, indeed, frowning.

“Sorry?”

“Uh what a shitty word to say…” She said, bitter, but he could hear the dark humor in it, together with some doubt. “Just be sorry if you are sorry about other things, too”.

“Oi!” He hugged her closer to him “Stop overthinking stuff that aren’t true, okay kitten?”

“Fine, fiiine.” She looked to him. “Good morning, Tetsu.”

“A very good morning.” He smiled and then his smile grew even more when he felt how her heart started to beat faster. He kissed the top of her head and she bit her lip, trying to hold the smile on her lips - and failing, of course. But then, the same insecurities that always pulled her down made their way to her head, again.

“So… Should we talk about last night?” She tried to sound casual, but Kuroo saw all the bad things that was in her head clearly and how she was trying not to think about them.

“Do you want to?” He asked. “We can, if you want.”

“I… don’t know if I want to?”

“Let me guess…” He smirked, trying to make her at least smile. He got a little pout of her instead, but it was enough. “You want to talk about it but you don’t know what to say, right?”

    She rolled her eyes. “No.”

“That means that I am.” He smiled. “We can talk about it later, kitten. Take your time, I’ll be here.”

“I… I need to sort it all this stuff in my head.” She confessed. “I kinda want to talk about it with someone, maybe [bf/n], I don’t know. Maybe with Kou.”

“Why Bokuto?” He said, trying to sound normal.

“He usually looks at stuff in a different way that I do. It helps.” She said. “Weird that he didn’t message me yet, he always send me a good morning.”

“Maybe he’s still sleeping.”

“True.” She said. “Ok, let’s get up, Neko. I want to see your funny old pictures!”

* * *

    He was so tired of those fucking birds singing. He was fucking tired of his mind racing, thinking stuff that wasn’t true. Or maybe it was, how should he know, since Kuroo just… Ugh, he could even think about that without getting angrier and sadder. And, together with this thought, he could feel that bad wave that usually hits him when he’s having a bad game.

    He fucking thought he was starting to get over this moody shit. Heh, it was only other thing that he was wrong about, apparently.

    He could feel the ‘Bokuto emo-mode’ up and running through his veins.

    Bokuto didn’t even slept. Every time he tried to, he came back to think about that _fucking_ phone call late at night. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see [y/n] and Kuroo kissing and doing much, much more. Fuck, he could feel them, as if they were in front of him, and of course he got a fucking hard on with the thought, which only made him more furious about it.

    What Kuroo was thinking? Didn’t they agreed on taking it slow? He was feeling so betrayed and so mad about it. He remembered that day after Oikawa’s party that he felt like kissing her and he didn’t. He kinda wish that he did kissed her and ended up this fucking mess.

    Of course that wouldn’t make it right, but who cares, he thought.

    He just wanted to be alone right now, so when the clock hit 8 in the morning, he got all his stuff and went straight to his dorm room. Thanks to the gods, Akaashi went to visit his parents, so he was  all alone in his room and as soon as he entered the place, he took of his clothes and went to sleep. He even got some hours of fine sleep, until he heard someone knocking on the door.

    He got up, his hair was a mess, and he was only with his boxers and he was still a little asleep so when he saw Kuroo on his doorstep, he smiled a little.

    And then he looked to Kuroo’s face and saw how worried he was, and all the rage came back.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Kou… I’m…”

“I really don’t want to hear it, Kuroo.”

 

    It was a little past one in the afternoon when both [y/n] and Kuroo arrived. She went straight up to her room, trying to catch her best friend so they could talk about what happened, and Kuroo went to Bokuto’s room. He didn’t knew if he would have arrived yet, but he didn’t care. He needed to see him, and he was more than willing to wait up for him seated on the floor in front of his door.

    So when he knocked and heard some steps through the door, he was really surprised and a little bit afraid of being Akaashi the one to be in there. But when he heard a characteristic yawn, he knew it was his boyfriend and all he could feel was fear and regret.

    When Bokuto smiled, a little bit  dazed from sleep, Kuroo saw how he had bags under his eyes and he felt worse. Not even his smile made him feel better. And when he saw Bokuto’s face realize what he was doing there, he really felt his heart ache.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Bokuto asked and fuck he messed up so bad. He messed up so, so bad.

“Kou… I’m…” He tried to say, but Bokuto soon cut him.

“I really don’t want to hear it, Kuroo.”

“Kuroo? Fuck, Kou, that’s harsh.” He said, and swallowed dry.

“I don’t care. Go away, just leave me alone.” Bokuto tried to close the door but Kuroo stopped it with his feet.

“Let me explain, please. I’m sorry and I fucking love you, just let me explain.”

“Not today.” Bokuto said, kicking Kuroo’s feet from the door and closing it.

    And then Kuroo felt the worst he’s ever felt in his life.


	13. ‘every young man gonna make mistakes’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry.  
> I had some rough months but i'm back and i'll try to update sooner, okay?  
> i mean it, i'm sorry.  
> anyways, here's the chapter!  
> I just finished and I swear to you, i'm feeling out of breath just like the reader.  
> i'm gonna die with this two.  
> Please leave kudos and comments! It makes me happy!  
> Bye! <3

_ Until he hits the breaks  
My heart's on fire, with a strange desire _

[ Strange Desire - Magic Potion ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1smmT5nuafg)

 

It was obvious that they were avoiding each other. It didn’t matter what [y/n] asked, neither Kuroo nor Bokuto gave her an answer about why they weren’t talking and of course soon that was the only thing she thought about. 

And that was exactly what she was doing while watching tv.

It was a friday night, and in that night was the first game of the Academic Championship Qualifiers and of course her school and her boys were going to play at night. She was actually waiting to be 6 p.m. to meet the team and go to the gym together.  It was weird to not to be with both of them, and in the few times the three were together, she felt even weirder. It was so tense that she felt like she was shaking not only once. 

[y/n] only realized that she had slept when she felt [bf/n] waking her. Of course she woke up in a flash, feeling weirdly excited for this game. She even had improvised a purple-and-black (the colors of her college) dress to cheer for her boys. She and [bf/n] had some pompons that they felt like obligated to have, being the two closest girls to the team, and [y/n] even tried to make some jingle or something to sing, but her thing was reading, not composing, so she just gave up.

As soon as they arrived, [y/n] did what she have been doing for the last year: she always kissed both cheeks of her boys, to give them luck and strength. First, she went to Bokuto - she made the mistake going first to Kuroo only once - and hugged him tight, and then she placed her two hands on his face, giving the kisses soon after. She smiled and whispered ‘you got this’, and only after seeing Bokuto smile she went to Kuroo.

The original idea was to do what she always did, but she was feeling so happy and energized that as soon as she was in front of Kuroo, she gave him a quick peck on his mouth, kissing his cheeks only after. She caught him on surprise, and as soon as she separated from him, she laughed to see his face shook.

“It’s for good luck, Neko.” She smiled and went to the bleachers to meet with [bf/n].

 

The first thing she thought when she saw Bokuto hit the ball was ‘those guys are fucked’. 

And, well, she was right.

Bokuto was using all his strength to hit the ball. Everytime Oikawa setted the ball for him, the first thing on his mind was that fucking kiss that [y/n] gave Kuroo. And of course that the warm feeling that he felt while watching that shit made him even angrier. It was a fucked up thing to do, but he was replaying it every time. His hands were already burning, but it felt so good to just spill all he was feeling in that ball. He was unstoppable, and [y/n] and even Kuroo felt proud of him. 

It was the second set and their team already had won the first one, and they were winning by 10 x 8. It was Oikawa’s turn to serve, so of course [y/n] smiled, feeling wicked, because she knew how strong his serve was. But fuck, the other team knew it too so they let their líbero catch the ball. The setter set the ball in a perfectly move, making even [y/n] and [bf/n] feel envious - they both loved volleyball so much - and when their Wing Spiker started to run to attack, not only Bokuto but also Kuroo jumped at the same time, blocking their attack and making the ball fall on the ground.

She screamed so much. It was so good to see they both playing together. The ball hit Kuroo’s hand, but he didn’t care. It was a team’s point.

But when he heard her screaming his name, he couldn’t stop feeling proud of himself.

“GO GO TETSU! MY NEKO!” [y/n] screamed, happy and jumping, enjoying the game.

He even thought about screaming something back, or even just winking at her, but how could he. Bokuto was already mad and after that his face seemed even darker.

“Ma, ma, tetsu-chan! I can see that the kiss that [y/n]-chan gave you is working! Good job!” Oikawa praised him, going to serve for the second time.

Kuroo decided to ignore that comment, but he heard Bokuto grunt and swear under his breath. 

 

It was the ending of the second set and, somehow, their team were losing.

She just couldn’t believe how Bokuto went to #1 ace to missing every ball setted to him. It was so bizarre, but thank god the team had Oikawa and Kuroo and Iwaizumi to make it up for. It was the set-point for their adversary, and Bokuto had just missed another attack, so of course their coach asked for a time out.

Bokuto was seated with a towel on his face and [y/n]’s heart clenched at the sight. He went from hero to 0 in that game, and she felt so bad that she needed it to do something.

She actually felt better when she saw Kuroo going to talk with him. She couldn’t hear them, and it happened in blink of an eye.

Kuroo was with his hand covering his face, the blood running down his mouth to his chin and Bokuto was red, his hand clenching and staring at the boy.

 

All the fire that Bokuto was feeling was gone at the moment he heard Oikawa say those stuff to Kuroo. His anger grew so much that it was almost like he was in his emo-mode, but this time it was his full-wrath. He was hitting the ball so strongly that sometimes the ball just went to the other side of the gym. And of course he could see from down there how [y/n] was frustrated, which only made him angrier.   
It was the worst game of his life. 

So when his coach asked for an time out, he just went to the bench and took a seat, putting the towel in his head and  breathing deeply to at least calm himself a little bit. He heard footsteps and he asked for all the gods that he knew the name to not be Kuroo coming closer.

But it was.

And somehow he felt even angrier.

“Are you okay, Kou?” Kuroo asked, worried, and Bokuto closed his hands in a fist.

“Just fucking go away, Kuroo.” He answered, mad, through his teeth. 

When he felt Kuroo’s hand in his shoulders, he knew he was fucked.

Because he just got up while throwing the towel away and punched Kuroo’s face.

It was weird, because after that it was like time had slowed down. He felt so satisfied to finally do that, but at the same time it was like he heard [y/n] gasp, and that wasn’t possible because she was far away from them. He felt like shit and he looked at Kuroo’s eyes, he was so surprised and Bokuto could see a little flash of rage in them, but there was nothing he could do.

He only heard his coach expel him from the bench and the game at the third time he said it.

 

She was staring at the court with her mouth wide open, too surprised to even think straight. The only thing in her head was  _ ‘What the actual fuck just happened?’ _ , and she felt so, so mad that she only noticed she was holding [bf/n]’s hand when she complained about the pain. Of course they were fighting, but she thought that Bokuto would be mature enough to at least put it all aside for the game.

Well, she was wrong.

As soon as Bokuto left the court, she let go of [bf/n]’s arm and went, running as fast as she could, to the boys’ locker room. She almost fell two times, but she didn’t care. She needed to talk to him, that petty fight was long enough as it was. With all her strength, she pushed the door and it hitted the wall. The noise was so loud that Bokuto looked to where it went, and when he saw her there, he felt like shit.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” She screamed, running to him, and her voice sounded so frustrated that it made him forget all the shit and he got mad.

“HE DESERVED IT!” Bokuto replied, hurt, but it was clear that he was angry. [y/n] got in front of him and pushed him, screaming.

“WHAT DID HE DO? I am so fucking tired of this fight and fuck, Kou! It is the fucking selectives! Not the fucking time to punch him!”

“I GOT MAD OKAY?” He pushed her back, with not even half the force that she did it to him. “I AM MAD! HE DID SOMETHING AND I HATE HIM FOR IT, OKAY?”

“WHAT? WHAT DID HE DO?”

“YOU!” He screamed, even louder than the last time. “I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND HIM, OKAY? AND I HATE IT!”

They both kept in silence, facing each other. She couldn’t believe that that night - that fucking night - was the cause of all of this. 

“Why are you mad? Did you guys fight because of.. me?” She said, feeling like she was out of breath. She felt so naive to think that that night was going to be a good night. How wrong was she. 

“OF COURSE!” He screamed back. “He fucking promised me that it would be the three of us together and he fucking lied okay? HE LIED! He went behind my back!” 

He answered so loud that everything he said was pounding on [y/n]’s ears. Of course, she thought, of course she was the reason for them to fight. Of course, she knew that they liked each other since the beginning, and she was naive to believe in Kuroo. She shouldn’t have let herself go with Kuroo that night. She knew that, she fucking knew, but still she did. 

And now look how things were. Again, she got herself in the middle of them, just like in high school. Just like she didn’t want to do. What a shitty person she was, she thought.

She felt her arms start to shake, and she was breathing but it wasn’t enough air going to her lungs. Actually, her lungs were feeling like it was made of stone. Her head was so full of thoughts that she didn’t want that it was best for her to close her eyes, and she did, but Bokuto’s words were still on her ears.

The locker room were silent. Until it wasn’t, and at the same time she heard the crowd scream and cheer outside, she felt his lips on hers, and then she stopped breathing at all.

 

He knew he had mess it all up when he heard her opening the door.

That game was too important to let something like that make him mad. But he was so conflicted, and it didn’t help to hear her screaming at him like that. So, when she got in, angrier and pretty as ever, screaming everything she wanted to, he lost himself and started to scream too, and he even said what he wasn’t supposed to do. 

Bokuto was in the middle of his sentence when he saw her hand twitch, and he knew her long enough to know that this was the first sign of an anxiety attack. 

A fucking anxiety attack caused by him.

It had been years since he saw her trembling like that. And, of course, all that rage was gone in a blink of an eye. He was feeling like shit, he felt like everything was his fault and when he saw some tears fall from her eyes, his heart ached.  _ “I need to make her feel better _ ”, he thought, taking a step towards her.

He swallowed up everything in his mind and, in two steps, he closed the gap between them, putting his hands in her face and meeting her lips with his.

It was so cliche to do this at the exact time that the cheer came from the gym, but it actually made it amazing.

But still, [y/n] wasn’t breathing. 

…

Until she was. And she started to kiss him back like he was the oxygen she was needing it. 

Bokuto felt like he had just won the nationals all over again. She grabbed his jersey and pulled him closer to her, crashing her teeths in his. His hands went to her waist, grabbing as strong as he could but at the same time trying not to hurt her. She opened up her mouth just a little bit, and when he felt her tongue in his, he was gone.

She tasted like that ball that he got it right for the first time after spending weeks practicing it.

She tasted like that match point that all the team gave their heart to get.

She tasted like making 3 aces in a roll.

She tasted like heaven, hell and sin.

And Bokuto was an amazing sinner.


	14. darling I need you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they fuck.  
> it was my first time writing smut in english so hahaha i'm sooo nervous but i don't care.
> 
> bye! <3

_can you see I got the yearnin'_  
 _we've all day, I want your love - your special way_  
 _I love, I love your smile - oh darlin don't you drive me wild_  
 _I heard you call my name and I was callin' just the same_  
[ Yearnin’ - The Big Come Up ](https://youtu.be/_091RKnjeS4)

  


    At the beginning, she really tried to control herself.

    But how could she, with his lips on her neck, biting and sucking just like loved, and his hands on her ass?

    She was biting her lip, trying not to make any loud noise, but when she felt him slap her butt, she gasped loud. It felt so good, and she rolled her eyes when she felt him laughing in her neck and in response to this, she pulled his hair a little bit, moaning when he bit her harder this time because of that.  

 

    [y/n] couldn’t focus on what was happening. It was too much stuff happening at once. It was Bokuto’s hands kneeding her ass. It was his erection, rubbing on her exactly where she need it. It was his mouth leaving marks on her neck. It was all the anger she was feeling, it was the desire, the need and the fucking love she felt.

    She got out of Bokuto’s lap, and got on her knees in no time. And as soon as he understood what she was going to do, he couldn’t keep the low groan that he made. The little laugh that she did made him even harder. She started from his knees, going slowly to his hips while getting her mouth close to his erection. He already felt hot, but even still he could feel how hotter her mouth was. Without thinking twice, his hands went straight down to her hair, and while he pulled her away from his cock, he took out his shorts with his boxer. And then, when he was finally free, [y/n] was already waiting her with her mouth wide open.

    And then he filled up her mouth.

    It was even hotter than he thought. It was so fucking soft and wet and, fuck, it was exactly like he remembered. She even moved like he remembered. [y/n] was swallowing up all his dick and it was such a glorious sight that he, without noticing, pulled her hair, making her eyes rolled up to her head. His cock twitched with that, and he moaned again.

    He couldn’t stop looking at her. Absorbing each expression, each drunken look she made at him. And she sounded so, so perfectly. Everything about her was so perfect that he lost himself for a bit. He almost came, pulling her face away from him on time. But then he saw her face, red swollen lips opened in a lustfull face, drool on their corners, looking at him in such a needy way.

    He needed to fuck her.

   

    [y/n] gladly went up, and let Bokuto guide herself to the bench in the middle of the locker room. He sat up in front of her, and pulled her closer until the point she was almost in his lap.

    He started kissing her neck, going down to her clavicle. With no doubt, she got up and in a second she was only in her panties. Bokuto smiled, she wasn’t wearing any bras and that was so, so sexy. His hands went to her breasts, while he kissed her again. His calloused hands felt so so good in her nipples, pinching, rubbing, and then it got even better when she felt his tongue on one of them. He flicked and licked and sucked and even bitted her nipple, until she was already squirming. He started to lower himself on to her until she was laid on the bench. Then his kisses started to go lower. Lower.

   The anxiety she was feeling was almost unbearable. She needed him as much as he needed her now. It was just too much, so she did exactly like he did. Her hands went to his hair and she forced his way to her cunt.

   And then he licked it, and she was gone.

   The hotness of his tongue with the roughness from her panties’s fabric was too much. He kept licking her and sucking her, feeling her wiggling her hips into his mouth. As soon as he felt her pants fo dump, she decided it was time to end both of theirs miseries. He took of her pants and, pulled her close to him.

   Bokuto couldn’t even try to think about a word to describe that feeling. He was just.. feeling. [y/n]. That sensation were so unique that it had to be called her name. She was perfectly tight around him, soft and wet and, too much. He started to move and she moaned his name, and he had to grip her waist because of how much overwhelming it was. He was in a fine pace, and [y/n]’s head was pending forward because she was too lost.

    He took of one of his hands from her waist and went it up to her breast, where he pinched her nipple and as soon as she opened her mouth to moan, he placed his two fingers inside her mouth. She started to suck his fingers and when Bokuto felt like it was wet enough, he went to her clit, pinching it and rubbing while fucking her.

   It was too much for her. She could only see and smell and feel him, so she came hard. She started to clamp him and he speed it up the pace, fucking her with all he had in him. And Bokuto was so, so close, but he took it off and after some pumps he came on her stomach, and it was fucking glorious for him. He was panting and with his t-shirt, he cleaned her the better he could while watching her [y/n]ch her breath.

   Neither of them knew how much time it had passed since [y/n] came into the door. The only thing that they were hearing, besides both their breaths, was the crowd outside and when it cheered loudly, [y/n] came back to what had just happened.

“Oh my god.” She said, closing her eyes and sitting it up. She was still out of breath, but now she didn’t knew if it was because of the sex or because of a panic attack. Actually she didn’t want to know, so she got up and picked up her dress, putting it on while walking as fast as she could to the door. 

   Bokuto could only watch her walking away while thinking how much he had just messed it up.

 

_I can't deny you got a hold, a hold on me  
Oh darling don't you let me leave _

* * *

    He was sitting on the floor with his eyes closed, sweating and trying to catch his breath. The usual satisfied smirk on his lips while he could hear, by far, Iwaizumi and all those people who came to watch them cheering. There wasn’t any feeling better that this, he thought, and with a sincere smile he looked it up to where the noise came, and for the thousandth time he searched [y/n] through those people. He was still smiling, of course, but then he didn’t find her out he could feel the smile going weaker.

    Kuroo didn’t knew how he got to play that good with that scene on his head. [y/n] running after Bokuto, and his face getting wetter because of the blood coming through his nose. It took everything in him to not go after them, and if it wasn’t for Iwaizumi grabbing his shoulder, he would have went back them. But no, he had a game to win. He was an important part of the blood, and like he used to say in Nekoma, the blood needed to flow right to go to the brain. And he wouldn’t be the one to mess that up.

    And when they finally won, he just fell to the floor and smirked. It was an awesome game and because of that win, they would be able to play in the selectives of the National Championship. It was fucking awesome, he thought, but that was just some part in the back of his brain now. He needed to find both Bokuto and [y/n].

    He didn’t even greeted the other team, he just ran to his backpack and went straight to where they might be. Without thinking twice, he opened it the locker room door and got in, only to see Bokuto sitting by himself with his hands on his head.

“Did we win?” Bokuto asked, without moving.

“Of course.” Kuroo was smirking, of course, to pretend that he wasn’t worried, while walking closer to the boy.

“Good.” He answered, taking a deep breath and sitting up. “At least that ended well.”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t went after her when she left. Maybe I should have, I don’...” He took a deep breath and standed up. “Nevermind. I need to apologise to the coach.”

“It was me who you punched, you know.”

“You deserved it.”

“I know.”

    They both took a deep breath while looking at each other. Kuroo wasn’t smirking anymore, he was just looking at the man he loved that looked like a fucking mess. He felt bad. It was his fault, after all. This shit was only happening because he messed it up with [y/n], and now something between them had happened too and they were back on square one. He was stupid.

    The only thing going through Bokuto’s head was how much he was a hypocrite and a piece of shit. I mean, after punching him and almost fucking it all up with the game, he of course had to fuck [y/n]. And of _fucking_ course Kuroo had to come after them. He needed to tell him, but he didn’t knew how. So he took a deep breath and without thinking he just said it.

“She left after realising that we fucked.” Bokuto said, and closed his eyes. “I’m such a fucking hypocrite, right? Maybe it was a good choice not to follow her.”

“Fuck.”

“I know.”

  
  


   


End file.
